Or, the answer to the number one question that people ask me

This is the sort of thing that happens when you try to sneak in some work during the day.

Even before I started freelancing, people would often ask me how I did it all. Or they told that me they’d kill themselves if they were me, which I guess is a different way of saying the same thing. At least I hope it is. It’s sometimes hard to read tone offline because most people don’t carry around emoticon cards to flash to avoid ambiguity.

(note to self: start marketing emoticon signs on paddles)

The easy answer, of course, is that I don’t do it all. My house is a mess, I’m constantly pushing back my own personal projects to meet deadlines for client work and my pile of unread books grows each day. I don’t do everything I could be doing with the kids and sometimes I lose patience and use my yelling voice instead of my “let’s work on this problem together and find a solution” voice.

But, you know, I am going to stop for a moment with the modesty and acknowledge that I do get an awful lot done for a mother of five boys who doesn’t have a staff at her beck and call. And it’s not because I’m that much more competent or efficient or inherently better than anyone else. When I think about it, the reason I can push on and keep going even when it’s rough is because of these three things:

1. I have work that aligns with my values. It’s vital to me that I have the chance to be creative and look for new ways to solve problems in anything I do. I’ve had jobs before that weren’t bad on paper but didn’t allow for much initiative or innovation and I was miserable. In the work I do now, I do have to honor the client’s guidelines and meet their goals, but the difference is that it’s not only tolerated that I find creative solutions, it’s expected. Motivation comes easy when your work aligns with your values.
2. My work can be very meaningful. It feels good when people tell me that something I wrote helped them in some way or gave them a good laugh or made them think. I feel a lot of pride in using my skills to give people useful information that can make their life better. I’ve also been able to meet so many people from so many walks of life through my writing. It’s easy to work hard when your work gives you so much personal satisfaction.
3. I have a lot of support. My husband is as committed to my success as I am and takes up the slack at home. It would be easier for him if I had stayed a full time wife and mother but he understands that my work doesn’t only help financially, it’s also a source of personal fulfillment for me. So many of my fellow writers like Sean Platt and Alisa Bowman and my coach, Tim Brownson have taken the time to mentor me and my friends and family have been unwavering cheerleaders. The hard times don’t seem so difficult when you have so many people to turn to for support and guidance.

If you feel like you’re not getting things done, I’d suggest you ask yourself these questions:

• Do I really want to do all of this or do I just feel like I should want to?
• Am I spending my life doing things that align with my values? If not, how can I move towards a life that does?
• Do I have enough support? Am I surrounding myself with positive people that urge me forward instead of holding me back?
• Do I feel like what I am doing has any meaning? How can I reframe my experiences so that I can see the good in them?

And since this was a bit of a serious post in the midst of my usual not so serious ones, I will end with one last very useful piece of advice:

If you’re going to try and sneak in a few emails while your kids are awake, make sure you put all nearly empty cans of frosting in the bin outside, not in the kitchen trash. Most children have no compunctions whatsoever against digging it out and having a nice snack.

How do you do it all? Do you find it easy to muster up the motivation to keep on going?

This is my second oldest son when he was just under two years old. He’ll be starting 3rd grade this Fall.

After going through the 4 O’Boys, I don’t guess this shirt can be passed down any more.

It’s just the teeniest bit weepy-making.

Or, a few thoughts about blogging every day

photo credit: wallyg

As I told my friend T from Two Hands and a Road Map when she was wondering how on earth we’d come up with things to blog about every day for a month, look, it won’t be that hard. Think about it, we have to announce that we’re in a blogathon, right? And then we’ll have to do another when we’re done and you’ve got to do a halfway through post, it’s more or less obligatory, so no sweat! Half of the posts have practically already written themselves, right?

I mean, 3/31 is not exactly half but I am not one of those fussy mathematically precise people who look askance at a little rounding up. Or down. Whatever suits my purposes is how I handle those pesky fractions.

So, about the blogathon. I have enjoyed writing every day, even though I totally fudged on some of the days. Fudging is an exercise in creativity, no? As my work involves writing rather serious stuff for other people, it was a great reminder that I have to take the time to have some fun with my writing and let loose, which is one of the reasons I love blogging.

Of course, not all of the posts were home runs, but I was surprised at how good some of the ones I banged out in 20 minutes turned out to be. We all have our different approaches to blogging and mine is to look at it more as a place where you’re free to experiment and if it doesn’t work, well, there is always tomorrow. Perfectionism kills creativity; you have to keep stretching and reaching and pushing and that means sometimes, oftentimes, you’ll fall flat.

That said, I’m not sure that anyone really needs or wants to have something new from me every day and a few times a week is much more realistic for all concerned.

It wasn’t the greatest time for me to participate in a blogathon. I’ve got a lot of work to do on a few projects I’m working on and the end of the school year is always crazy. I managed to write the posts every day but had almost no time to read other blogs or to participate in the blogathon group discussions.

As for the effect on my blog so far, it’s really hard to say. I’ve given up trying to figure out how many subscribers I really have as Feedburner seems to randomly add or subtract 150 every day. My traffic has been good overall, but the newer posts haven’t received as many views as my posts usually do, probably because I’ve put next to no effort into promotion. Comments seem to be down a bit, too, and I think that not having the time to go and comment on other blogs has been a factor.

I am glad I decided to participate in the Blogathon and am confident that I’ll make it until May 31st, however it did take away time that I could be using to do other important things like participate in the blogging community and spend time doing off line things like read a book.

Which sounds like an awfully good idea, so I’ll go do that. I promise it’s not about poop, only one poop book  review per month is my policy, blogathon or no.

If you’re participating in the blogathon, have you noticed any changes in your attitude towards writing? Changes on your blog? If you aren’t, any thoughts on blogging every day?

I’m beginning to understand why I don’t usually blog every day. There is too much other stuff to do! Today one of my kids had to get some dental work done and there was a lot of running around so I’m a bit pooped.

Something interesting happened at Walgreens while we were waiting to pick up his prescription for pain medication. It was very busy at the pharmacy and there was quite a line. A man behind me was quite irritated and telling everyone that Walgreens should hire some more people to help us, that it was bullshit, and so on in a similar vein. It was a bit stressful listening to him rant so instead I chatted quietly with my son about his day.

A manger walked by and he grabbed him by the arm to demand that he get us all taken care of faster. Now, I wasn’t thrilled to be waiting but it did seem like everyone was doing the best they could and I remember from my days waiting tables how much I hated being grabbed by a customer so I felt the man was completely out of line. The manager told the guy that he was already on his way back there to help and so he did and soon it was our turn to be helped.

It’s not really a big thing but I made it a point to thank the tech who helped us and let her know how much I appreciated their help in getting the medicine for my son because he’d had a very rough day and having the pain relief would help him get a good night’s sleep. She smiled and said she was glad to help. It could be my imagination, but it did seem like that positive interaction did lift the mood in that corner of the store just a bit.

I’m not sharing this to toot my own horn, because as I said it was a very small thing and the truth is I am usually a very impatient person. It just struck me that every day we’re all making lot of little choices that can either help others and ourselves feel better or make us all feel worse.

So tomorrow my goal will be to remind myself that I have a lot of power to help myself and others feel better and use it.

But first I will accomplish my goal of getting some sleep.

Or, I have been acknowledged

Um, the book isn't blurry in real life. That's all my camera and shaky hands and lack of natural light.

Yep, that’s the print version of How to Be Rich and Happy by my friend and life coach Tim Brownson and his writing partner John P. Strelecky. I’m so excited to get my hands on this because it’s part of their goal to give away 1 million copies of this amazing book to people in need.

It’s no secret that I love this book and that I credit Tim’s coaching with helping me have the confidence to put myself out there and go for my own dreams. Being able to watch Tim and John take the steps to make their audacious goal come to fruition has been a bonus learning experience in itself. I love that they didn’t pick a small, safe goal and say okay, we’ll give away 100 books and maybe if that works we’ll go for 150.

I wish I’d been able to send them a check for hundreds or thousands of dollars to help make this dream a reality, but since that isn’t possible right now, I was proud to be able to buy a few autographed copies and spread the word however I could. And that’s why it felt so good to be able to hold this book in my hands today. It’s not just a book, it’s a part of something very, very big.

And there was another reason I was so stoked.

You know what, I'm just going to say it, I trust people with illegible signatures 75% more.

Not just the autographs, although I do like an authographed book.

I feel like I should make some sort of smarty pants joke to deflect how genuinely touched I am by this. But I will not, I will just enjoy the moment.

But look!

LOOK!

On the acknowledgments page, that’s ME!

In a book!

And not as a bad example!

I’m a bit humbled because I only did a teensy bit and they did all the hard work but this means so very much to me and I’m so proud. Thank you Tim and John!

By the way, it’s not too late to order your own copy. They are $25 and 90% of the proceeds go to help put this book in the hands of those in need. You can also make a donation on the same page, if you’d just like to help out with a few bucks. It really is one of the best personal development books that I’ve ever read.

If you’re curious about the facebook page I helped with, you can check it out here: How to be Rich and Happy fan page. It’s an easy way to be notified when the Rich and Happy blog is updated – I enjoy reading it because it’s not stupid and smarmy and gives a lot of food for thought. And unlike the I Hate My Message Board fan page, Tim has never updated it once with a Dino video or picture of a butt potato. He’s classy, Tim is.

Has just not worked out.

At all.

It’s the kind of night where the house is a freaking pig sty and the children have been sick and loud and fighting all day and I’m behind on my work and it’s been dark and muggy all day and I’m crampy and overtired and just want to go to bed.

You know, when I’m out and about, I often start chatting with older people about my kids and they almost always tell me the same thing, something along the lines of “Cherish these days, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.”

And no doubt that’s true. I’ll miss the chubby little hands and the kisses and hugs and cute little things they say and watching them play and laugh and grow.

But what I really wish they’d tell me is:

Don’t worry, you’ll make it out okay. One day you’ll get enough sleep and you won’t have to try and figure out how to clean a mixture of tadpole food and shampoo out of the cracks in the hardwood floor and you’ll be able to eat your breakfast without having to wipe a dirty bottom clean first.

You won’t have to try to wolf down a crappy gas station sandwich while sitting in a parking lot trying tune out the kids yelling in the back of the van so that you can drive to the next half dozen places without your hands shaking.

You’ll be able to pick out clothes without worrying if your toddler can pull down the front of your shirt or the back of your skirt and flash everyone.

You will still be creative and fun and come out of this stronger than ever and all your hard work will have paid off and you’ll be glad that you gave so freely of yourself. You will not lose yourself no matter how many times it feels like you have.

I guess what I wish is that instead of telling me what I’ll be missing sometimes somebody could tell me what I have to look forward to.

So that’s why I’m telling myself.

Or, everyone thank my mom for having me

I didn't remember to ask my mom if I could post a picture of her, so here's one of me as a baby

My mom is one of those people who always says what’s on her mind. Sometimes, I wish she’d keep her opinions to herself, but I’ve grown to appreciate that she’ll always tell me what she thinks even if it’s not what I want to here or something I agree with.

She moved to the States from Korea when I was a just a toddler, right before my sister was born. It wasn’t until I was much older that I appreciated what a transition that must have been for her. Not only the different language and customs, but being away from her whole family in the days before cheap long distance phone calls and the internet made keeping in touch very easy.

When I was 8, she stayed behind with me and my younger brother and sister while my father went ahead to his new duty station in Germany so she could get her citizenship and wait for my father to get us housing on post. I think back on it now and marvel how she managed it for six months then flew alone with us to another completely foreign country to start over again.

We weren’t rich when I was growing up, but now I realize how hard my mom and dad worked to give us every opportunity they could. I was able to travel all over Europe as a teenager and get so many experiences that still prove valuable to me after all of these years. If there was any way that they could pay for me and my siblings to be able to take that trip or enrichment opportunity, my mother and father found it.

A memory that really sticks out is my mom rolling and frying a few hundred of her eggrolls every week for a month so that my FBLA chapter could sell them and raise money for a trip to the national convention in the states. She must have seen a lot of potential in me to work that hard to make it possible for me to go. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to share her recipes on my blog, because they are about more than how she gave us good food to eat but a memory of how much she cares about us all.

I haven’t always been the best child a parent could ask for and I’ve made a lot of foolish choices through the years, but I think it was having a mother who had so much strength and determination that helped me always find my way back and to be in the position I am now with so much opportunity ahead of me. There are other mothers who are more touchy-feely and sensitive and probably care a lot more about their kid’s self esteem, but my mother was the perfect mother for me and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her.

My mother in law is also a very strong woman who has been through a lot but always kept her children first in her heart. My children and nieces and my sister in law’s new baby we’ll soon welcome into our extended family are very lucky to have these two women to love and nurture them and give them an example of backbone and the value of hard work.

Or, why I haven’t been blogging as much

photo credit: Valeriana Solaris

I’ve plunged back into the world of working and it’s been a bit of an adventure, trying to coordinate deadlines, kids and sleep. This poor blog has been neglected! I do feel like I’m getting a better handle on things and once this adjustment period is over, I’ll back back to updating a few times a week.

My friend Sean Platt, aka Writer Dad offered me the opportunity to join him at Ghostwriter Dad and I eagerly accepted. I am serving as a lead writer and content marketing specialist, which basically means that I not only provide professional ghostwriting services but also work with Sean to design article marketing campaigns for our clients and brief them on current best practices.

We don’t just work for clients, Sean and I are working with his wife, Cindy Platt and our friend David Wright, aka Blogger Dad on a series of future information products and websites. I’ve signed on as content manager for Potty Training Power and will be working with the Platts and David to build this business.

I am also writing for Health Compare Guide, my usual section will be Dollars and Sense however I’ve also written for the other sections and will fill in as needed.

I’ve been amazingly busy but I’ve also learned so much just jumping in and seeing if I’d sink or swim. It’s been awesome to be able to apply the knowledge I’ve gained in my years of blogging and being active in social media/community management and to be able to use it to help people expand their online presence in a strategic way.

Juggling all of these new responsibilities with being a wife and mother and blogger is a challenge but I’m confident that I will find my balance.

Or, once again I’m handing this blog over to my son

Note: Today, April 2nd,  is World Autism Awareness Day. I have written previously about my son Nick who has Asperger Syndrome and he, in turn, has been kind enough to write a review of Pocky for this blog. When a friend of mine wrote to tell me that one of her good friends had written a novel for children featuring a main character with Asperger’s Syndrome I was very excited and eager to read it.

Although The Reinvention of Edison Thomas was written with the 9-12 age group in mind, I thought my almost 15 year old son would be perfect to review it for us  and let us know how it compared to his own experiences as a young person with Asperger’s.

I am very proud to share this review with you and very glad that Jacqueline Houtman decided to write a book with an Aspie as a main character.

The Reinvention of Edison Thomas

a book review by Nick

Warning: contains spoilers

Hi, Nick here. No, not Tracy, her son! She asked me to write a review on The Reinvention of Edison Thomas for her, since I have Asperger’s myself and thus would be able to write a superior review (Don’t tell her I said this, but I’m a better writer regardless ), and here I am, obliging that request.

The Reinvention of Edison Thomas is a book about one Edison Thomas, a teenager with Asperger’s struggling to work with his emotions, deal with his loss of a science fair, find or make a suitable replacement to now fired crossing guard, Jim, and realizing that his “friend”, Mitch, is actually a bully to him. Throughout the course of the book, he makes two friends to help him with this task. Justin, a silly, intellectual jester, and Terry, a…well, I don’t really know how to explain Terry. I don’t think she got enough character development. But, best I can tell, she’s kind of like Terry, only she doesn’t know as much.

So, what do I think about the book? Well, for starters, the writer has done her research. She really nailed what its like to have Asperger’s: noticing all the small things, obsessing over complex things, sensitivity to touch, noise, etc. I could go on about this, but I’d rather not, as I’m sure you all have things to do. Eddy is a character I think we could all sympathize with at some time, Justin provides very punny comic relief, and Terry..well Terry is Terry. Mitch is a hate-able villain, and shows us the evil in us all, and why we shouldn’t give in. The other characters don’t really make enough appearances to really talk about.

The plot isn’t anything special in and of itself. What makes this book worth reading is the execution of said plot. It also gives the reader a interesting look inside of the mindset of people with Asperger’s, which to me is a good thing, given the common misunderstanding of said mindset. The plot threads are resolved in their own little ways, but I think the best resolution was definitely the finishing of Edison and Mitch’s “friendship”.

While most people might think “Oh noes, even though Edison saved Mitch’s life, he still hated him! Mitch got away with everything!” Dear reader, I ask you to think about it in a different way. It shows something about Edison, to be able to stand resolute even though the big bad got away with it all and continues to torment him. Mitch getting away with everything, is, dispite what some of you may think, is realistic. In fact, the book manages to make away with some cliches, which is good for it.

So in summary, is the book worth a read? Absolutely, but don’t buy it brand new. 20 dollars for 180 pages is a bit expensive, but my hate of current book prices is a story for another day. So I guess this review boils down to: Would I get as much amusement from the book as I would if I had purchased three cases of ice cream sandwiches. The answer is yes, asuming the boxes themselves melted over the ice cream sandwiches, and they somehow burnt without melting. Buy it discounted, not because the book is bad, but because 20 dollars is expensive for such a short book. Besides, you could get three cases of ice cream sandwiches instead!

(Note from mom: The list price of the book is actually $17.95, but I bought it for $12.21 at Amazon and you can find more ways to buy it on Jacqueline Houtman’s site, including an ebook. I respect Nick’s opinions about the price of books, however I must point out that the selling of words is what keeps him in Steam games. Ahem.

I have not finished the book yet, but am looking forward to it and am delighted that my other children will have a novel featuring a character like their older brother to read in a few years. I think this would be an excellent book to donate to a school or youth library.)

This post contains affiliate links to Amazon

I confess, I don’t know what the difference is between being a strong person and just continuing to go on because you have no choice. There have been ugly moments that shame me over the past few weeks when people have so kindly told me I was handling things well and I wanted to ask “What choice do I have? Can I choose not to feed the children? To wash the clothes and sweep the floor? Can I walk around crying all the time or refuse to get out of bed?”

Of course, I could very well just simply refuse to go on, but I do. There are so very many good reasons why and I could list them for you like I could recite the laws of motion, but the truth is these days I don’t feel big, noble emotions, instead I follow a routine and do what I’ve always done. Perhaps that’s why I balk at being told I am handling things well, because I feel like I’ve handed everything over to a machine while I wait to see what happens next. At night, I walk through the house, straightening out the mess of the day and preparing things for the one to come and it feels like I’m not enough of a presence to even make a wave in the oppressive stillness.

If I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s this, you live in the moment and the days, the weeks, the years take care of themselves. And that is how I go on, letting my defenses take over and what I am doing in the moment, is all there is. I play with the children, I keep up the house, I talk to people, then like a bolt, I am ripped in two, and one half goes on and the other is watching and wondering how it could seem so normal on the surface, when clearly things are not right, not right at all.

This grief and anguish have lessons to teach me, but I’m not ready to learn them, not yet. When given the opportunity, my thoughts come so fast and jumbled that I’m not able to make sense of what my memories want me to hold on to and where my heart wants me to go. I’ve felt frantic trying to figure out what the purpose and meaning of this is and what I should do next, but the harder I try to grasp it, the less sense it makes. It is only when I relax and am content with letting every thought and emotion flow through without making demands that I feel any relief.

And this is how I go on; I don’t know if it means I am staying strong or handling things well, it’s just the way I’m keeping it all together. I’m not happy, I’m not okay, I’m tired and numb but I feel like there is a protective cocoon around me that will keep me safe until it’s time to fly again.