Fun With Keywords Questions and Answers Edition

Or still sick so I’ll let my search traffic write my post for me

Two Things:

  • I think I stole this idea from J.D. of I Do Things so don’t even try to act like I don’t give credit, because I do because that’s just the kind of blogger I am.
  • I am not responsible for any stories you might make up about the people behind these searches a la the video displayed above. I only put it there because it makes me cry and crying helps my sinuses drain and not to encourage your imaginations to construct a narrative using these search terms.

can cats locate an escaped hamster?

Well yeah, they are cats and are very good at stalking and hamsters are pretty much the definition of prey. The question you should be asking is “Will they eat all of it or leave the mangled body at the foot of my bed?”

bad habits of black gum trees

They just stand around and let their leaves fall EVERYWHERE and then expect you to pick up after them like some kind of punk!

black stuff coming out of ear and itching

I’m going to need more details about the nature of the black stuff, e.g. texture, viscosity, odor before deciding how loudly to shout “Go to the doctor you nasty fool!”

can i right off my chickens

Do you mean “right off” as in cockney killing (I’m gunna right off those chickens guvner!) or “write off” as in tax avoidance? In either case the answer depends on the regulations in your own particular local, but looking those up I’d first suggest you take a close look at your conscience and see what it tells you.

get her ass message by his cook

What baffles and frightens me is that somebody would have gone well past the 5th page of Google search results, many of them frankly pornographic, to wind up on one of these posts on my blog. I can only hope I met their needs, whatever they might have been.

What have been some of your favorite or mind boggling search terms lately?

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