Or, making a list of things not written is totally still a post
photo credit: late night movie
Like most bloggers, I don’t have time to write a tenth of the posts I’ve dreamed up in my head. Usually it’s a simply a matter of not having enough time to sit down and do a good enough job.
Other times I’m just chicken shit.
But for whatever reason, these posts are still in my to do pile.
1. 15 typos that other people make that totally make me feel good about myself - you know, because ABC (always be copy-checking) is totally my motto.
2. The world is full of jealous, hateful doodyheads - but we must rise above it, my friends, and carry on and never, ever stop letting our light shine. And if it makes them choke on their own bitterness, so be it.
3. 10 wacky and creative ways my mom punished me when I was a kid – or, this one time my mom made my brother and sister stand with their arms straight up to get them to confess to something and I mocked them by lying on my back with my arms and legs straight up in the air and she made me stay that way for what felt like three days and that’s why nothing those jealous, hateful doodyheads say can ever really hurt me.
4. 10 things my dad told me that I later found out were complete fabrications – it turns out that he didn’t, in fact, go to the television station to tell them to put on Wizard of Oz for us, he was just going to lunch without us and didn’t want us to whine to be included. Also, he is not the boss of the entire US Army. And eating pecan pie doesn’t make your hair grow back overnight.
5. 7 wild animal attacks that my sister survived - well, some of them were domesticated animals. The girl survived stepping into a fire ant’s nest, wading into a swarm of jellyfish and trying to pet a wild raccoon all before the age of five. It’s somewhat uncanny and that’s why I try not to go to the zoo with her.
6. My brother’s Ko-Fro is a thing of beauty – let’s start a campaign to get him to grow another – seriously, if I didn’t think my husband would leave me, I would shave my head and see if I could grow one because it’s just that awesome.
7. Everyone I was going to marry as a teenager turned out to be gay - one of those deep, think-y pieces. I’ll probably use adjectives and metaphors and crap.
8. 20 Inspirational quotes that don’t even make no kind of sense – self explanatory.
9. People who mock Spam and but eat turkey bacon are totally hypocrites – I am not totally clear on what a polemic is, but I think this shall be one. Damn skippy.
10. My kick ass recipe for Tex-Mex ramen – the secret ingredient is salsa!
11. Popular Songs that I sing when I make or eat Korean Food – oh what the hell, why don’t I just write that one now?
We get a bunch of rice now
Put a bunch of junk on
Eat it up with hot sauce
Bi bim bop!
Yummy yummy kim bop
Yummy yummy kim bop
Kim bop kim bop kim bop
I just sort of repeat that over and over. Too busy stuffing my face with kim bop to really sing any more.
Fire grilled beef
(fire grilled beef)
Eat it up
Now it’s gooooooone
And there you have it, the posts that the world is being cheated out of because I’m really pretty lazy and inefficient. Sorry about that.