Posts I Have Not Gotten Around to Writing Yet

by Tracy

Or, making a list of things not written is totally still a post

photo credit: late night movie

Like most bloggers, I don’t have time to write a tenth of the posts I’ve dreamed up in my head. Usually it’s a simply a matter of not having enough time to sit down and do a good enough job.

Other times I’m just chicken shit.

But for whatever reason, these posts are still in my to do pile.

1. 15 typos that other people make that totally make me feel good about myself - you know, because ABC (always be copy-checking) is totally my motto.

2. The world is full of jealous, hateful doodyheads - but we must rise above it, my friends, and carry on and never, ever stop letting our light shine. And if it makes them choke on their own bitterness, so be it.

3. 10 wacky and creative ways my mom punished me when I was a kid – or, this one time my mom made my brother and sister stand with their arms straight up to get them to confess to something and I mocked them by lying on my back with my arms and legs straight up in the air and she made me stay that way for what felt like three days and that’s why nothing those jealous, hateful doodyheads say can ever really hurt me.

4. 10 things my dad told me that I later found out were complete fabrications – it turns out that he didn’t, in fact, go to the television station to tell them to put on Wizard of Oz for us, he was just going to lunch without us and didn’t want us to whine to be included. Also, he is not the boss of the entire US Army. And eating pecan pie doesn’t make your hair grow back overnight.

5. 7 wild animal attacks that my sister survived -  well, some of them were domesticated animals. The girl survived stepping into a fire ant’s nest, wading into a swarm of jellyfish and trying to pet a wild raccoon all before the age of five. It’s somewhat uncanny and that’s why I try not to go to the zoo with her.

6. My brother’s Ko-Fro is a thing of beauty – let’s start a campaign to get him to grow another – seriously, if I didn’t think my husband would leave me, I would shave my head and see if I could grow one because it’s just that awesome.

7. Everyone I was going to marry as a teenager turned out to be gay - one of those deep, think-y pieces. I’ll probably use adjectives and metaphors and crap.

8. 20 Inspirational quotes that don’t even make no kind of sense – self explanatory.

9. People who mock Spam and but eat turkey bacon are totally hypocrites – I am not totally clear on what a polemic is, but I think this shall be one. Damn skippy.

10. My kick ass recipe for Tex-Mex ramen – the secret ingredient is salsa!

11. Popular Songs that I sing when I make or eat Korean Food – oh what the hell, why don’t I just write that one now?

We get a bunch of rice now
Put a bunch of junk on
Eat it up with hot sauce
Bi bim bop!

Mmmmmmm
Mmmmmmmmmm
Kim bop
Yummy yummy kim bop
Yummy yummy kim bop
Kim bop kim bop kim bop

I just sort of repeat that over and over. Too busy stuffing my face with kim bop to really sing any more.

Bul-go-gi
(bulgogi)
Fire grilled beef
(fire grilled beef)
Eat it up
Now it’s gooooooone

And there you have it, the posts that the world is being cheated out of because I’m really pretty lazy and inefficient. Sorry about that.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • http://www.twohandsandaroadmap.net Two Hands and a Roadmap

    I don't want to put any excess pressure on you, but I might die if you don't write all of these this week.

  • junkdrawer

    I find it entirely too adorable that your Dad would tell you he made the TV station air the Wizard of Oz for you. Love!

    And I'm with Two Hands. You need to write every single one of these stories.

    Now get crackin'!

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    First we need to figure out how to bill it to a client, then I'll write it.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    To this day I can't mow a lawn because my dad told me every year thousands of kids are put into comas because they were hit in the head with rocks shot out of the side of lawnmowevers.

    Remember George Bluth's story's on Arrested Development? My dad's stories were like that, minus the hiring an actor part.

  • http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

    HAHAHAHA! I was so busy wondering if I could go ahead and steal all those ideas, I almost didn't notice how damn funny you are.

    Your dad too. “Oh, I'm just going to the TV studio . . . ” BWAH! My dad was kinda like that.

    And I will never hear “Blitzkrieg Bop” without feeling hungry.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    Steal them, please.

    Seriously.

    Then we could start a blog war. Do you know how hungry the world is for a
    decent blog war right now?

    How many page views we could get?

    How many page views all the other bloggers writing their “Can't we just all
    get along this isn't high school people lets all love each other and support
    each other because we are all human and don't have time for this drama and
    really need to rise above it” posts will get?

    How good it will make others feel when they can leave sanctimonious comments on
    same.

    How we can make up over making fun of people who act like they totally
    didn't know there was drama going on even though they totally did because we totally know they are salivating over this like the drama hounds they are. And think of how we could bond
    playing the “high school” drinking game!

    We need this JD.

    The internet needs this.

    I totally think Blogher will give us a bonus if we do this.

    Or boot me for saying this. Hard to say.

  • http://nebulousmooch.com Lovelyn

    You should post all ten ideas. I'd love to read them.

    My father once told me there were no mosquitoes in Indiana. I believed him and when I met someone from Indiana I made a comment about the state's lack of mosquitoes only to be told it wasn't true.

    I love the Korean food songs. I should start singing them myself when I make Korean food.

  • Alisa Bowman

    I often type sex when I mean to type sec, and pubic when I mean to type public. I wonder what that says about me.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    Today I was hit in the face with a rock thrown from the lawn mower. My niece took an acorn in her cheek from the lawn mower. She was playing in the sandbox while her mom cut the grass. In hindsight it was pretty stupid. My father was an Ophthalmologist (eye surgeon) we were not allowed to have fireworks, or watch fireworks, or know kids who watched fireworks. He told us about the kids he would have to perform emergency surgery on who ended up losing eyes because of fireworks on the 4th each year. Funny thing was, he was never on call on the 4th because that was the week we all went to the cabin. My brother an I spent each and every 4th of July sitting on the end of the dog with a box of matches. We'd strike them and then throw them into the lake. We also oohed and aahed very sarcastically and loudly so he could hear how much fun we weren't having.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    I think I might have to borrow some of these. And the A Ha video is just about the best video ever made, now to forever remind me of Korean food.

    I've almost written #7 numerous times but all my old boyfriends have friended me on FB and I don't want to out anyone.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    Please, the internet is in need of some drama about now. Everyone has been playing so nicely, unless there is a prize involved and then the gloves come off.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    It really seems like spring is a super slow time for Internet drama,
    it's a bit frustrating, really.

  • http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

    OK, you're on. But remember: I'm doing this strictly for page views and a possible BlogHer bonus. The sanctimonious comments are really going to bug me, but it'll be worth it.

    First I'll begin with idea #4. People will be outraged that I have the audacity to steal YOUR father's list of lies. But I will make it work somehow.

    Oh, this is gonna be good.

  • junkdrawer

    Oh, Jen. This is hilarious. Your poor, pitiful matchy fireworks. But we all do really need our eyes, so please watch out for lawnmower-flinging rocks in the future. Maybe we all need to wear goggles when we do yard work. We'll look stupid, but at least we'll still have our eyes.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    The rocked beaned me in the nose. I *was* wearing goggles. I look like a
    fool but I know all about eye safety.

    One nice thing about the whole matchy fireworks as a kid thing is that my
    brother puts on a great fireworks show now. He stands on the end of the
    dock, makes all the kids stand inside the house to watch and lights off
    sparklers.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    What I'm getting from this is that I am right to refuse to ever do lawn work.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    Oh that's awesome because everything can only ever be written about ONCE on the internet and all subsequent examinations or riffs on the topic are OUTRIGHT THEFT.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    I still don't believe it when people tell me that Indiana is not to the west of Illinois. Does it sound like it should be where it is? No, it sounds west of Illinois.

    Making Korean food is so much more fun when there is singing! I think my husband would be horrified to know the amount of singing and dancing that takes place in this house while he's away.

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    It makes it sound like it would be a lot of fun to be your editor!

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    See, I didn't have many boys friends and I doubt Michael Stipe and George Michael care if I write about them on my blog. I mean, obviously they'll care but they'll have to play it all cool like.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    Yeah you could probably get away with it. At least from George Michael. No
    one really cares if he gets upset or not. I thought you might have meant it
    this way, I just happened to date a lot of guys who ended up being gay, or
    at least that's what I told myself when they dumped me.

  • http://www.redheadranting.com/ redheadranting

    Absolutely, isn't that what you have a husband for?

  • http://twitter.com/nandoism nandoism®

    I think you might need a reference source on your “Teen crush turned Gay” post. And who better than me, a Gay, adopted Mexican? I mean, sure, we can talk typical gay stuff like skittles, hamsters and Gaga, but think of all the extra fun it would it be to also talk SALSA and Spam!

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    Oh man, I was a hot mess in school. I had no idea the Village People were gay!

    It seems like all my crushes on real people turned out to be conservatives. WTF?

    It was my fictional crushes that turned out gay.

    I really so need to figure out a way to get to NYC!

  • http://www.ihatemymessageboard.com/ Tracy O'Connor

    Oh man, I was a hot mess in school. I had no idea the Village People were gay!

    It seems like all my crushes on real people turned out to be conservatives. WTF?

    It was my fictional crushes that turned out gay.

    I really so need to figure out a way to get to NYC!

Previous post:

Next post: