Why I Shouldn’t be the Good Mood Blogger

Or, this is why they call me two-sides Tracy. I always look at *both* sides.

In the interests of radical transparency, I think it’s only fair I list the reasons I would not be the perfect choice for good mood blogger so that the people can make a wise decision.

• I wholeheartedly believe that the best way to be a happy person is to develop a sincere love of Air Supply. It’s about letting down your guard and allow yourself to really feel. Until you can do this, you have walls, my friend, and a walled person is not a happy person. Some people feel this is judgmental and unreasonable. They have walls, too.
• Cats and kittens will never be mentioned in my posts as a source of a good mood unless it’s because all the cats on my street decide to move to Toledo. You can’t really blame me for this, they like to congregate in my driveway and give me a dirty look when I want to park.
• There’s that inordinate obsession with canned meats.
• Tendency to write run on sentences so long and meandering that I can’t find my way out and so just slap on a period and hope nobody notices.
• Found out this week that I was confusing Eckhart Tolle with John Edward.
• My blog is called I Hate My Message Board. Clearly this title was not dreamed up by a person in a good mood.
• Briefly considered paying my children in chocolate bars to do cute kid things and say “Vote for our Mommy!” on YouTube. And if they wouldn’t perform, hire other people’s more cooperative children.
• Will probably spend a good portion of the prize money on uncouth iPhone apps and limited edition Japanese Kit Kats.
• Had anxiety over how often I could remind people of the contest without annoying them which somehow turned into me playing Irene Cara songs over and over and muttering how I won’t let the haters keep me down, even though nobody had said anything remotely negative.
• Speaking of, I think I have an enemy and that makes me feel delightfully important.
• Call my other mom-friends First Initial-Dawg or First Initial-Money. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t stop.
• If I make it to the round where we have to do a video, I’m so screwed because acting natural on camera with a pleasant expression is not my strength. It will be like watching Ricky Gervais playing David Brent on The Office, you know that cringing because you’re so embarrassed for the person on screen thing, only I won’t be acting.
• Also, prefer the US version of The Office mostly because I find it hard to follow conversations in accented English.
• This might seem like a manipulative way to get votes or it might seem charming and quirky. I don’t know! I just don’t understand people! I mean, can’t it be both?
• Learned what “dragging my nuts” means this week and want desperately to use it in a sentence.
• I semi-lied up there about the cats, my good mood posts will probably mention Hello Kitty quite a bit.
• Have never seen any of the Matrix movies, always tell people I’ll get right on that then promptly watch back to back episodes of House Hunters instead and indulge in feelings of superiority because of my good taste, low maintenance personality and modest needs for square footage. I only mildly enjoy the superiority, mind you, but can’t deny that the enjoyment is there.
• If there was a cranky ass blogger competition, I’d run for it, too without giving up my quest to be good mood blogger.
• Am only using this to get discovered so I can pitch my idea for “Life Judge” to the networks.
• I believe the judicious use of the word “ain’t” is vital to my writer’s voice.
• Secretly hope I can make the word “dweeb” popular again with the young people and am trying to figure out a way to use the Good Mood Blog to achieve that goal.
• Am scared of any games involving balls and lash out angrily at people for throwing them at me.
• A lot of my humor is based on self-deprecation. It gets old.

There is more, but I don’t wish to bore anyone, just wanted to give you a good look at the dark side of Tracy. Look at it and ask yourself: do we really want to give her a larger platform? No wait, watch this first, get in a good mood, then ask.

I guess I should add “not above manipulating people with the sweet, sweet sounds of Air Supply” to get my way to the list.

And I know the roads to riches

And I know the ways to fame

I know all the rules

And then I know how to break ‘em

And I always know the name of the game

(that last bit where I quoted the lyrics was for my friend Sean to let him know the game is on my friend, the game is freaking ON)

Tagged as: air supply, blogging, good mood gig, my inadequacies