SlimCado, A Review

Or, this post was not sponsored or commissioned by the SlimCado Association of America. Duh.

Do you like avocados but wish they weren’t so full of luscious, luscious fat? Does your guacamole leave you rolly-polly? Does your scale sob after you eat a Cobb (salad)? If so, the SlimCado could be the answer for you! With half the fat and 35% fewer calories it’s just like an avocado only less so. Much, much less so.

I will admit I only bought the SlimCado because I am very bad at planning and didn’t have any ripe avocados for tonight’s chicken taco dinner (which by the way was delicious). The Haas avocados I usually buy were all rock hard and although these looked more like I think maybe a papaya* would look, they were ripe and so I bought two.

It seems that the fat in the SlimCado has been replaced with water. Lots and lots of water. I don’t know how they possibly could fit that much water into a single fruit without it leaking all over the place. Genetic modification? Please nobody tell me that I ate something spliced with camel genes because I will spontaneously explode and ignite.

The weird thing is, you get these vague, fleeting tastes of a real avocado but before you can savor it, it’s gone. It was like the taste equivalent of trying to remember a word or name. Elusive. Frustrating. So close, you know it’s there but when you think you’ve finally got it, it’s washed away. It wasn’t bad, I didn’t gag or feel the need to brush my teeth it was just unsatisfying. Like drinking a watered down coke on a hot day or eating at Applebees.

There are probably many fine uses for a SlimCado. You could put it in a smoothie instead of a banana (that’s what this one is destined for, after I took the picture I put the sides back together and wrapped it in saran wrap and put it in the freezer). Or you know those recipes for brownies made of avocado instead of butter? You could use a SlimCado! Just don’t do it with those brownies with black beans in it, because that’s just taking things too far. Or you could serve it to your kids and spouses so you can have all the real avocados for yourself! So it’s not totally useless.

You know, I probably would have liked it if they called it another name. Like Alligator Egg Fruit. Then I wouldn’t have been thinking of the rich, succulent flesh of an avocado but would have been able to judge it on its own merits. I might have thought it light and refreshing and dreamed of making batches of Alligator Egg Bread with the overripe fruit. Or Alligator Egg pudding with something like vanilla wafers but much fancier. Maybe organic vanilla wafers. Or French vanilla wafers. Something fancy like that.

To tie this all together with a very important life lesson, it occurs to me that you can learn a very important lesson from the SlimCado, do you want to be half as much as somebody else or do you want to be 100% you? Sure, you can ride on their coattails but will you really be able to stand up to that kind of scrutiny? Or do you want to be the one that sets the standards for what makes you remarkable? I think we know the answer to that.

You can learn a lot from a fruit, if only you take the time to sit and blog about the fruit and realize you probably should end with something better than “do not buy this” because people don’t like negativity, they like very important life lessons. Which I deliver, because I am a very good blogger and interpreter of fruit.

P.S. I am going to see the Dalai Lama speak on Wednesday so do not be surprised if that’s the last you’ll hear from me because I fully expect to be whisked off to Tibet.

*I try not to think of papayas so have forgotten how they look. Fun tidbit, about once a week somebody lands on this blog after searching for “papayas taste like vomit”.

Tagged as: alligator egg fruit, avocados, lessons learned from fruit, review, SlimCado