Letters to my life coach

Or, yeah, I have dependency issues

Photo credit: rita banerji A note about this photo; I did an image search on Flickr to find a picture for this post, this was one of the first results. It’s a powerful representation of how many women in India (among other countries) are illiterate. For more information see the photo’s page. Even if it means you skip my post, read it.

I have this unnerving habit of just popping up at unexpected times, rattling off some stuff to my life coach, Tim then disappearing. Well, it’s not unnerving to me, I’m used to it, but he’s not fluent in the language of Tracy and usually his response is “I have no idea what you’re talking about”. So then, I thought perhaps I shouldn’t try to explain complex thoughts on Twitter and write real letters but then I thought dang, I never gave him any money, I should just post them on my blog instead. And some literary agent will read it and you know how much people like books where an old-ish person mentors a young-ish person and they both learn valuable life lessons. Movies! I’ll be in a movie!

Here is a sample of what will be in the book:

Dear Tim,

Hey, you’re smart and you read books and stuff about the brain, what’s it called when a person absorbs ideas and then the ideas go to that place in your brain where there are no words? You know, it feels like a dam is blocking them all and you know you’re thinking about stuff but you can’t explain it because you are thinking in brain language not people language? But then it comes out, and you still can’t explain it like a say text book person would, but instead as an allegory? You know like how Jesus explained stuff.

Because whenever people ask me to explain stuff, I can’t just tell them hey A, B, C and therefore D, instead I have to make up a story and hope like heck they are extrapolators and not nitpickers, because the nitpickers, they are all like “But that doesn’t make sense, nobody would give a monkey a pair of pliers and a hot glue gun and expect a Buick” and that frustrates me. Anyway, does this syndrome have a name? If not, can you discover it and call it Jesus Syndrome?

NOT that I think I am like Jesus, that’s blasphemy (although don’t worry, self esteem still high!) but more like “If you like the way Jesus talks, you’ll love Tracy”. Which is absolutely true, no matter how you slice it.

Let me know, I think you could get a book out of it and we could both go on Oprah or The Today Show, but I won’t do Rachael Ray. You can, if you’re that desperate for publicity, but count me out.

Best wishes,

Tracy

Dear Tim,

Does the president have a life coach? If he doesn’t, I think you should convince him to hire you. DON’T volunteer to do it pro bono, because 1. he is very rich and 2. he might not think you are a very good life coach if you work for free, in fact charge him extra to compensate for the secret service people listening in getting free coaching.

Seriously, I know he seems very put together and confident but it’s got to eat away at you having the weight of the free world on your shoulders.

Just an idea I thought I’d throw out at you. If he says no, how about Prince Harry? You both have accents, he needs help and I could make some cash talking to the British tabloids about you.

Think about it,

Tracy

Dear Tim,

I bet you didn’t believe it when I said I was going to make t-shirts! I’ll give you a bulk discount if you want to order some to give to your clients as end of coaching presents. People love presents. If you’d like, we could change “DANGIT!” to “PISH-POSH!” to sound more British-y.

Tally Ho!,

Tracy

P.S.

You can check out Tim’s Blog if you want to learn more about life coaching. It works! Believe it or not, this IS living the dream for me. And on Friday, June 19th I have a guest post on Blogging Without a Blog on how to handle it when your post is linked on an online forum.

Pip pip pip and a cheerio!

Tracy

Tagged as: British Tabloids, Jesus, letters, Prince Harry, stuff literary agents should seriously option