"Have the guts, got the glory" photo credit: Billy Jane
This is tardy; I’d meant to write about my first session with Tim on Wednesday but my oldest son was home for Spring break and I was more exhausted in the evenings then I thought I would be. It worked out better this way, really because it gave me some time to really digest what we talked about and just let it roll around in my head.
Of course, I don’t remember everything that was said or even most of it. I think I actually remember Tim himself telling me that very day that we only remember 10% of what we hear so I’m not too worried about it. I’d planned on writing notes, but was too absorbed in our conversation to do so.
What I do remember quite well is feeling incredibly anxious the morning before our afternoon appointment because our phone was disconnected. Very long story, that I will happily tell anyone with the slightest encouragement, but the gist is that AT&T did me wrong and I am not a deadbeat or need a fundraiser. And that is what I told Tim in an email that morning asking him to call my cell.
Still, I felt a bit sick about this because I wanted to make a good impression on Tim. It was extraordinarily important to me that somehow I convey to him that:
- I am a good person that pays her bills.
- I am a good person that is not destitute so he doesn’t have to feel sorry for me or worry unnecessarily (although I admit, I’d have found a little concern touching)
- I am a good person that is not destitute but I didn’t want to prove it to him so much that he wondered why I couldn’t afford to pay for life coaching myself.
- And above all, I am a good person.
Of course, I am not totally neurotic and these thoughts only took up half my morning. The time came and luckily the living room was spotless – I know it was a phone call but I would have felt weird talking to him in a messy house – and I had my notebook and pen ready and felt almost completely confident. And then he called and I felt compelled to explain all over again why my phone was disconnected.
Even as I was saying it, I thought oh man, this is not the kind of over-explaining that a confident person with high self esteem does and sure enough Tim called me on it, but in a very nice way. It seems that spending a lot of energy worrying about what other people might think, especially on things they probably will not be thinking a lot about, is not productive. Yes, I could have told you that before Tim told me, but I still do it.
The great thing about Tim is that he is very funny and engaging and I was soon laughing and very relaxed. He explains why he uses humor in his blog and I think he’s spot on. Laughing does help you relax and become more receptive. I can’t say for certain, as I’ve never had another life coach, but I don’t think I’d do very well with a more formal sort of coach. I’d listen and answer the questions and appreciate the points made but I’d probably stay anxious and not really have it stick.
He asked a few questions about the intake forms I’d filled out and I admit, even after realizing I was thinking too much about what he might be thinking, I still was just a smidgen concerned about giving the right answers. Or rather the smart answers. Answers that showed that I’m a completely confident person who is in charge of her life. Heh.
I don’t want to get too wrapped up in exactly what was said, but do want to point out that it was fun and painless. Perhaps in the next sessions we’ll delve into things that are less fun for me to think about, but I’m glad the first one was easy.
Now, as I said, I don’t remember every word that was said but I do remember him pointing out two things to me when I told him that I had a very hard time taking myself seriously doing anything I considered not-me-ish. For example, writing in this blog? Piece of cake. That’s what I do, that’s me-ish. Trying to find advertisers for this site? Oh mah nah, how do you do that? Don’t you have to have a degree? Okay, I see this is how you write the proposal letter, but I don’t think that’s all there is to it, there has to be more. I can’t do it, because that is not-me-ish, that is somebody else.
It is very silly, but there you go. And I do feel reasonably self confident, not stupid, competent, etc as long as it’s something I consider in my realm. Everything else is a mystery and scary and gives me the giggles thinking of myself doing it, as if I were a child putting on my mother’s heels and lipstick.
Tim told me that my problem and the problem most people have is not wanting to ask for help. I didn’t say so, but for a second I was a little bit taken aback that I had the same problem as everyone else because honestly? I was thinking my problems are a lot more exotic, possibly worthy of some sort of book. Or at least a mention in the Journal of Life Coachery. But no, same problem as everyone else.
Then he told me that the other thing almost everyone does is want to help. And again, I thought I was pretty unique in that but thinking about it a bit more realized most times I’ve asked for help somebody has helped me. Of course, while I found this reassuring, it did not automatically cure me of my distressingly common problem. The good news is, I think that Tim has a way to help me, especially if he can get me over the physical hurdles to me doing these things namely twisty-turny tummy and chokey throat. Which is wonderful because sometime in the near future I am going to ask for my reader’s help with my new project.
Next week, I think we’re going to work on values. Not that I haven’t got any despite what anyone tells you, but I think more what mine are and what conflicts there might be. I am proud of myself because when I was doing the worksheet, I kept thinking “Hmmm, shouldn’t I put peace before fun? I really think I should be the kind of person who values liberty, equality and freedom above humor, shouldn’t I?” but I really shouldn’t be anything, I just am what I am. But more about that next week!
BTW, Tim got me hooked on the TED talks and he told me to watch this one by Sir Ken Robinson called Do Schools Kill Creativity? It’s worth watching, I was alternately pumped up and moved during it and came away feeling like, well, yes the world really needs people who can think creatively don’t they? And aren’t I one of them? Perhaps that wasn’t the message I was supposed to take away but eh, it’s a pretty good message anyway.
ETA – if Tim is reading this, feel free to correct me on anything I didn’t remember correctly. I know that it’s very possible I translated Tim speak into Tracy speak!
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