6 Things I secretly hope are included in life coaching

Or, I am super excited about being coached!

Note: If you do a photo search on coaches in Flickr, lots of pictures of old timey coaches and buses come up. I decided I am far too busy to figure out an image that logically goes with life coaching and decided to have a punny picture instead.

On Tuesday I have my first session with Tim Brownson! It was tremendously generous of him to agree to coach me and based on what I’ve read from other bloggers he’s coached, it’s going to be a very valuable experience. Now, I know a bit of what to expect based on these blogs, especially Jay Frawley’s Inner Noodle series, but there were a few things that weren’t mentioned that I secretly hope are included.

1. Choosing a theme song for my life.

I think I stole this idea from an episode of Ally McBeal that I never saw but heard about. Wherever I got it, it’s a super idea. How can your life really mean anything if there is no theme song? Would you watch a tv show with no music during the opening credits? Heck no!

What I’m hoping for here is not so much all of the onus being put on me to choose my own theme song but Tim presenting me with songs and learning more about me by my reactions to the songs. Sort of a coaching warm up for him, because you’d take a much different approach to coaching somebody who chooses The Rose as a theme song than somebody who chooses Fight the Power. A life coach that doesn’t realize that isn’t much of a life coach, in my opinion.

Here are some good choices that I would present, if I were Tim:

• Express Yourself (NWA, not Madonna)
• Stand (REM, very coachy)
• Simply the Best (Tina Turner, we are both awesome)
• In the Air Tonight (Phil Collins, in case we decide becoming some sort of vigilante/superhero is my chosen path)
• Femme Fatale (Velvet Underground and Nico. Not terribly aspirational or inspirational  but I love VU&N enough to get over that. Plus who listens to the lyrics anyway?)

2. In depth detailing of all the horrible people I’ve met in my life and how they did me wrong.

Exactly what it says. Not sure that it would help anything but I would enjoy it very much.

3. Video Montage

This might be tricky to pull together as it’s phone coaching but I think distance video is much easier these days, what with the internet at all. This is how I picture it:

Open: Tim stands before a class of coachees, thumping stick in hand and tells us:

You got big dreams, you want fame. Well fame COSTS. And right here is where you start paying in sweat.

The entire class jumps up in the air and does something. Plie? You know that thing dancers do.

Cuts to: Me welding something, then going for a run and to the grocery store to box a country ham.

Cuts to: Tim in a knit watchman’s cap and sweatshirt, holding a stopwatch and yelling

Cuts to: Me running around some more and getting into a rap battle/dance off

Cuts to: Tim sitting on the sidelines, he shakes his head and puts in in his hands

Cuts to: Me, getting my ass kicked in karate, but then I get up do the preying mantis thingy and VICTORY!

Cuts to: Tim, walks away from my crowd of admirers, down a corridor. He looks back, smiles enigmatically and then opens up his umbrella and flies away. Assorted pyrotechnics.

Music: Final Countdown (Europe)

This will be my winner video and I’ll watch it whenever I need to remind myself I *am* a winner.

3. Tim tells me that he thinks I totally kick Dooce and Pioneer Woman’s butts.

Exactly what it says. Oh sure, he thinks they are great and have pretty nice blogs, but mine is in a different class all together. Groundbreaking would not be too strong a word. The world needs to hear my voice, and he will be the guy who tells me how and where to buy a megaphone so I can make that happen. I cry a little; Tim says “there, there, it’s overwhelming to be so extraordinary isn’t it?” We break for the day so I can let the extraordinary sink in.

4. We look for the hidden wisdom of sitcom theme songs.

Everybody’s got a different kind of story, everybody finds a way to shine

Keep it to yourself, it’s my life

Took a whole lot of trying, just to get up that hill

No matter what the odds are this time, nothing’s going to stand in my way

Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot

We agree that today’s tv theme songs leave a lot to be desired and it’s no wonder people are so stressed and unhappy these days.

5. Sing a long to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn“

Tim decides guitar lessons are necessary for me to reach my full potential. And tells me that sometimes the simplest power ballad says so, so much. Except “When the Children Cry” that’s just some insipid crap there.

6. Finally, we decide what I should do with my life.

Write my memoirs and produce them as a musical with score by the Pet Shop Boys, of course. I’m not sure why I needed him to tell me that, but we all need validation. Thinking of Actually Very Tracyesque for the title. End life coaching by remaking the Go West video with our faces superimposed on all the characters. It’s awesome.

I will let you know how it goes. Probably not exactly like I’m hoping, but most assuredly more like what I need.

Be sure to check out Tim’s Blog “The Discomfort Zone”! It’s like having him coach you with less music!

Oh yeah, I forgot, Eye of the Tiger! Eye of freaking Tiger, man! I’ve been singing it all weekend to get pumped up. Tim didn’t explicitly tell me to do this, but it was sort of hinted at when he gave me some “intake forms” to fill out. Totally was looking for me to read between the lines there.

Tagged as: life coaching, the Pet Shop Boys, theme songs, very actually Tracyesque, video montages