Durian Candy

Or, this is going to be quick because I can’t bear to think about it any longer than is strictly necessary

I was sure I would love this durian candy because it is ethnic and different and I am ethnic and different. Sniff. I thought we’d be like two peas in a pod, me and durian candy, two misunderstood souls trying to get past an unfair rap in a world that just doesn’t understand.

If you don’t know what durian is, it is a fruit that is famous for being stinky. Here is the wiki entry on durian, if you would like to know a lot about it. All I know is that they sell it at the local Vietnamese market but I’ve never had enough extra money to buy it (I spend my extra money on Yan Yans) and it seems very rude to sniff durian that you’ve no intention on buying. The store as a whole has an odd smell to it so even if I were right next to the fruit, there are just too many competing odors for me to get a sense of durian odor.

And you know what, it’s not surprising that it smells weird to me because I am half-KOREAN and the store is VIETNAMESE and they sell food from all over Asia and Mexico. Do you not think Canadian houses smell weird to Americans? I’ll wager they do! Sorry, somebody was extremely surprised once that I found the smell of the Vietnamese market odd which made me paranoid that perhaps I smelled like Chinese five spice powder mixed with pig uterus and Thai basil and just didn’t realize it because who can smell themselves? I mean, this person was that surprised. So, it’s a sensitive subject.

True story: Once I was walking in the Vietnamese food store in the produce section and this guy holds up something to me and asks “what’s this? how do you cook it?” and I said “yeah, I think that’s a cucumber.” I kind of wanted to add “and you stick it up your butt and around the corner” but I’m no longer 12.

So you see, love/hate relationship with all things that are in or come from the Vietnamese food store.

The candies were not chewy like caramels, instead they were very hard. Perhaps they were supposed to be chewy and dried out on the trip from Thailand? I sniffed them and couldn’t quite place the smell. It wasn’t overpoweringly bad, but not good either. Sort of musty and an elusive whiff of vomit and coconut.

I should break away to note that I hate the smell of coconut and the only way I like coconut is on a proper coconut cake, the kind that has been soaking in coconut juice in the fridge for a couple of days. Otherwise no coconut. I am thinking of starting a rumor that the next big allergy is coconut and kids can die just from sniffing coconut scented shampoo so people will associate it with death and stop using it.

I put it in my mouth and the taste was just foul mixed with coconut, which is also foul. Like dusty coconut that somebody had thrown up on and the person thought they’d rinsed it all the way but there was still some invisible vomit residue. There was no way I could finish it and I threw it out and felt sick for a long time, until I made some fresh homemade pitas and settled my stomach.

Well it was settled then I started writing this and now my stomach is churning and heaving and I have that weird feeling in my throat like I’d like to cry or throw up.

Durian candy is a big stinky lie of a candy.

Tagged as: coconut, coconut should be associated with death, durian, durian candy, I am Korean, Vietnamese store