Note: this is a more serious post than I usually make. I’d love it if you read it, but understand if you want to come back tomorrow when it will be stinky candy.
I’m not ready to get over racism. I’m just not. I’ll grant you that I haven’t been sent to any internment camps lately and there are no burning crosses on my lawn, but racism is still very much a part of my life and my experience and I think that I’d like to talk about it for awhile.
And that’s the problem, it seems like a lot of people are tired of it. Which is not to say they wouldn’t condemn a lynching, it’s just well, people are so quick to be offended these days and really, isn’t it the intent that matters and why do we have to put labels on everything?
I call acts that I consider racist racism because it is important to recognize that they are symptoms of a larger problem. They are not isolated, discrete events and their impact can only be properly measured by acknowledging that they are racist. We are all infected, to a greater or lesser degree by racism. There is more racism and less racism, I don’t know that there will ever be no racism.
Why call it racism?
Many people become defensive and uncomfortable when you label acts they consider relatively benign as racist. They’d rather you call it by some color blind term like rude, inappropriate or offensive. I disagree with this for the reason stated above, racist acts must be called out as racist if we are to shine light on the problem. How can we fight a problem that we don’t admit exists?
We are afraid to confront racism because it means confronting ourselves. I am not immune. There are many times when I’d rather not say the word because I am afraid of what it means; it is easier to let things pass and write them off as stupidity or ignorance. Racism is a dirty word, we’re reluctant to not use it. We’d prefer not confront it, because to do so means we must open our eyes to how it permeates our society. We let it pass. We give people outs. We make excuses.
Is racism a forbidden word?
Racism is fast becoming the word we dare not speak, just like nigger. We avoid the word nigger, we find ways around it and if we must, we say or write “the n-word”. Of course, nobody should call anyone nigger, but why do we not face the word head on? Why do we not face racism head on? When we don’t talk about it, what are we accomplishing by avoiding the subject? Nigger is no less abhorrent if you refuse to say it and substitute n-word, the same is true with racism. It still exists even if you refuse to call it by its name. And so many of us are refusing.
When we smooth over racism and try to will it out of existence by denying it, we give it power to continue. Most people have good intentions, but we must not let intentions be more important than effects. We must listen when people talk about racism and be willing to confront it when we see it.
How brushing off racism has affected me
For all my bold talk about facing racism, I still find it hard to talk about my own experiences. It’s a vulnerability that I don’t care to expose to the world. After all, you are supposed to be able to overcome it, to not let it get to you, to ignore it as foolish and not worth your time. It feels like you are supposed to be able to fight it on your own, but who could? And if you do speak up, and it’s brushed aside, what are you to make of that? It’s almost more than I can bear and so I don’t talk about it much. Or, at least I didn’t.
I have five children now. Five boys, as smart and as gorgeous as can be. Three look white, two look more Asian. I wonder often what life will be like for them growing up and I wonder if the two that look like me will have the same experience as their brothers. I never want any of them to feel like they can’t speak up if they are offended and I want them all to have the courage to speak out against wrong. It’s for them that I insist on having these uncomfortable, inconvenient conversations.
Some questions
How has racism affected you? Do you agree with me that we should always call out racism by its name when we see it or do you find that counterproductive? Do you think that racism is overplayed or do you think it’s still prevalent? Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about racism?
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BLACK AMERICA AND THE N-WORD:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP2U0jmZjec
Great post, and a lot to think about. I have experienced racial tension, but I’ve never personally been the target of racism.
It seems to me there are two pitfalls among the people I know who very much want to see racism end: One is denying that any differences exist because we’re afraid to be seen as racist (and as a result no one can really talk about anything); and the other is denying that certain acts are racist at all .
Great post. I really appreciate your perspective on the issue.
Ignoring a problem has never been, nor will it ever be, a solution. The more we are willing to address issues, honestly and openly, the faster we can arrive at understanding and hopefully begin to make positive changes.
travit´s last blog post..The light at the end of winter’s tunnel.
I remember when I was looking for a new vehicle, I heard a horrible commercial on the radio that played off the “oh me so horny” line in Full Metal Jacket. I think we talked about it at the time, but I was so horrified I couldn’t even shop there. But someone found it inoffensive enough that they approved it as an advertising campaign! I’ll admit that I snort an inappropriate things, but failing to realize when racism is at the root of humor or attempts at humor.
I’ll admit that I have also had some embarassing moments when my oldest was young – she used to run up to black women and call them by the name of her favorite lady at daycare. I had to explain it so often and hope that they didn’t think that we were raising a racist. I suppose though that since she was running towards them that I probably had unfounded fears.
Okay, to finish off the fragment in that last post (need coffee) failing to realize when racism is at the root of a joke means that you’re not really confronting the truth. Bad women driver jokes are recognized as sexist jokes (because everyone, including the insurance industry, knows than men are worse drivers and their insurance rates show it). If you can’t recognize that you’re being racist in a joke, then there is a risk that you will think it’s true.
Thanks, GG and travit. GreatestGood, I agree with you on the fear of being seen as racist – that’s a bit what I was getting at with the whole “n-word” thing. Why are we so reluctant to use that word in any context? I’ll be honest and say for me it’s out of fear that I’ll be marked a racist. I think that is a major hurdle in talking about racism today, because so much of it is the unspoken, subtler forms and by acknowledging that we all have to understand our own part in it.
That is uncomfortable, but damn discomfort. What part of growing doesn’t involve some discomfort? We are progressing, we should embrace uncomfortable feelings as a sign that a breakthrough is on the way.
You must understand that this isn’t a call to feel guilty, I think that guilt is one of the least productive emotions. This is a call for awareness and to highlight why awareness is so important.
I think the most important thing that anyone can do to combat racism is listen. When people share their experiences don’t rush to diminish or dismiss or scramble to prove that you are not a racist, just listen. Racism is about silencing voices and keeping people in their place; when you listen, you empower.
Travit, I agree that ignoring a problem is never the answer. We solve problems by finding the root causes. I believe in fake it til you make it for a lot of things, but not racial harmony.
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I’m a white male that is “color-blind” so to speak, but that shouldn’t make my view any less valid that others.
I view the “isms” (racism, sexism, etc) as deliberate acts against the group in question. Ignorance would be a more subconscious and less direct action.
It would be racist of me to not hire an african-american because I simply hate them and don’t want them around my office. I think it would be ignorant of me to not hire the same person on the basis that I don’t think his culture would match the culture of my company.
I’m splitting hairs I know, but I did want to toss my two cents in. This doesn’t detract from the original point of the post though, that it is still a problem, no matter what it is called.
I think it’s important to admit that we all have some latent prejudices that we aren’t always aware of. There’s a website that I linked in OFFS on the message board a month or so ago that takes one through a series of tests that show some of the hidden biases we all carry around in our subconscious. And racism is so insidious and permeates our culture so completely that often all but the most blatant incidences of it can slip by unnoticed. The “me so horny” line that HeatherB mentions is such a good example of that. When told the line can be denigrating or hurtful, others argue that it’s just good fun and in a song and what’s the big deal and, ultimately, to get over it.
Racism is a cancer, not a common cold. You don’t get over cancer. You fight it with everything you’ve got. And when the doctor notices something suspicious, something pre-cancerous, it is watched very closely to prevent it growing into something destructive. The same can be said of those who are accused of being hyper-vigilant about racism. The risk is ever present. And it’s important to always be aware, even at the risk of false alarms.
Finally, regarding the ‘n’ word: I don’t believe we do the fight against racism any favours by refusing to look it fully in the face and say the words most hateful. I am not speaking about reclamation of the word. That’s a different debate. As soon as people stop saying “nigger” and instead say “n word”, they are shrouding the word and the history of the word in a mist. Racism becomes something you whisper about rather than discussing openly. Everyone is afraid of being vilified as a racist so they won’t say the word, but they’ll still operate in a reality in which subtle racism permeates almost every aspect of our lives—still! It’s this weird form of thinking one is progressive for not saying an offensive word—and these are usually the same people who claim to be colour-blind and think that racism is just about done—while never actually engaging in active work to combat racism.
I can almost imagine how these people would act if their child did say “nigger”. They would glance around furtively, just in case someone overheard, and then hiss at their child, “Shh! We do NOT say that word! Ever! It’s bad!” And they would never give a clear, nuanced explanation as to WHY it’s a loaded word.
Racism isn’t just the blatant acts of discrimination, Weakonomist. That’s ignoring the societal racism that rewards people just for being white (and male, but that’s a different topic). It means, all else being equal, the nod goes to the person with the white skin. It means that the power holders are predominately white (and male), and there is a system in place to keep it that way and we just accept it and think it’s because people rise to the top based on ability and not colour.
Hi TheScoop, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your perspective and your site. I am curious to hear your perspective on n-word vs. using the full word. I know it’s an incredibly ugly and demeaning thing to call any person and I have mixed feelings about efforts to reclaim the word, however I wonder if refusing to even utter the word is the kind of denial that keeps us from discussing these issues in the first place. You don’t get the impact of how ugly a word it is without confronting it head on.
That’s why I am against softening racism by calling it ignorance or stupidity.
Hi Weakonomist, I think that the validity of a point of view is determined by how much thought and intellect when into forming it, not the circumstances of the speaker.
I wonder though, if you are color blind, then how do you see me? How do you form an impression of who I really am without recognizing that I have a race and that race has given me an experience different than your own? And likewise, how can I really understand your point of view without seeing the ways that you are different from me?
If the ignorance springs from racism, why not call it racism? I know many people mock all the isms, but they are crucial to understanding the root causes of problems and help us address them.
Hey there – I was pointed in the direction of this discussion by MadFab, who commented earlier. As a queer woman of colour (triple whammy!), I just want to say – amen, sister. I’ve done quite a bit of anti-oppression training over the past 10 years, almost entirely introductory sessions for people needing a way in to the topic of racism, and how to deal with it, and analyze it. It usually takes me about 2.5 hours to get to the points I’m about to make, so I’ll understand if, without the underpinnings, other commenters disagree with what I’m about to say.
We live in a systemically racist society. And the whole point, and weight, of systemic racism, is that it is racism built into the core of our society, so nobody ever really has to commit an overtly racist act for racism to exist, and to act perniciously on various groups of people. In other words, if at the core of our societal beliefs is some sort of ‘us at the centre, them on the periphery’, then the racism just naturally flows from that with very little effort. Ditto the sexism, homophobia, classism, etc.
I had a husband once, who said to me “we’re so alike that you might as well be white.” He honestly meant it to suggest he was colourblind, that the colour of our skins didn’t matter in our relationship. The result of the comment was to effectively erase everything that made me who I was, precisely BECAUSE of the colour of my skin. Jokes made about me throughout my childhood; my intense level of social segregation most of my childhood; my internalized hatred of my skin colour and nose shape and hair texture and body shape, because obviously the really beautiful women are blonde and blue-eyed (just look at any magazine). I experienced, and experience, racism every day of my life. My first day of school, grade one, I walked home crying because somebody called me a nigger. And as far as my husband was concerned, none of that counted. ‘I might as well be white’. Not ‘he might as well be coloured’. And I could never make him understand that that comment, the pretense of colourblindness, was a slap in the face rather than a compliment. It ignored a vast section of my life, discredited it, threw it out as unimportant, not valid. You may not see colour, but believe me, I see and experience its effects every day.
This is the other hallmark of racism. The intent is not the point. The effect is the point. In a systemically racist society, people can hide behind ignorance, and good intent, and “it’s just a joke”, and “I didn’t mean it that way”, because in the end we’re all brought up to believe that we live in a white society that the rest of us non-whites are trying to fit into, to become like. That’s the crux of our systemically racist society; white is the centre. And our society needs to come to grips with the fact that when people who are not at the identified centre talk about their pain and marginalization, that is the proof of racism. It’s a statement of somebody’s intense privilege to say ‘get over it’, as though IT is a knee scrape, discreet and quickly ended. We can’t get over it while it is our daily, lifelong experience. And we all need to deal with it, to talk about it, in order to change it. Change IS possible, but not as long as we’re societally hiding our eyes and pretending it doesn’t even exist.
My wife and I recently adopted a little girl; she’s 6, and much darker skinned than I am. And my heart aches as I watch her act out the internalized hatred I became so familiar with in my childhood. Where are the images that tell her she belongs? Where are the black women with nappy hair in the media? Why is she already wishing with all her heart for straight, blonde hair? Why does she see all the females she colours in her colouring books as white? Her mama and I do what we can to counteract these ideas, but we are two people, and she spends all day every day out in the world, where her beauty is not honoured, and often not even seen. How is she most likely to see women of her skin colour in the media? Half dressed, and grinding around some blinged-out guy’s crotch. I’m sure that many people don’t notice these things, because many people don’t have to. But they exist. So, Miley Cyrus didn’t mean anything by it. And her Asian friend didn’t object. If we all objected every time we came up against racism in our lives (and I mean ALL of us), we’d all be one big walking wound. So we choose to callous ourselves, ignore the sting, pick our battles. Who did that guy have to stand up for him, and say ‘this isn’t funny?’
Whew. Sorry; bit of a rant there. But I’m so, so grateful anytime somebody actually digs this up a bit and chooses to look at it, and ask questions. Yay for you! Thank you. And thanks to the other commenters, who have all said such thoughtful things. There is no blame, even if there is anger. You are not to blame. I am not to blame. But in order to change it, we have to acknowledge it, and work actively to dismantle it.
Shereen, I love you. Thank you for that compelling, poignant and honest post.
Racism is definitely prevalent today – it’s being talked about the most of all the other -isms.
Because it’s more obvious? Because everyone’s experienced it?
It’s bad, but it’s just a subsection of the Bigotry umbrella.
Racism is just as bad as Sexism, as bad as Religious Bigotry, and even Nationalism to name a few.
Animal Rights Activists wouldn’t hesitate to take it even further.
Acknowledging Racism is just one step along the path to end Bigotry.
Perhaps fighting Bigotry at it’s trunk instead of branch by branch is the a better means to an end.
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Brava, Tracy! Excellent post.
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Hi Spencer, thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts with us. I’m really going to have to think about what you said and let it roll around my head for a bit. I think in general I do agree that we need to eliminate bigotry, period but I feel like there is still value in labeling each form of discrimination.
I think it’s true that racism is being talked about more than many of the other isms, except perhaps sexism but it seems to me, from my perspective and the circles in which I travel that the conversation seems to be shut down just as soon as it is started.
It is interesting to me that you brought up animal rights, because it does highlight that this is a process. I have no doubt that my children and grandchildren will find the way that we thought about and related to animals today to be crude, just as we find our forebearer’s attitudes to be ignorant and despicable judged by today’s standards.
I’m just mulling these things over out loud; there really is a lot to think about. Thanks for commenting, I’m going to putter around the house and see if I can’t come up with a more coherent way to express my thoughts.
Hi Shereen, thank you for coming by and commenting. I love what you said here:
There is no blame, even if there is anger. You are not to blame. I am not to blame. But in order to change it, we have to acknowledge it, and work actively to dismantle it.
Your words have so much power and grace, thank you for sharing them.
Hi Dulce, Thanks!
Great post. I think about this issue often. Racism is in the air I breathe where I live. My parents tried very hard to teach me not to be prejudiced, but I wrote a narrative essay once about and experience I had as a child. I was only 7 years old, and one of our cats had kittens. When they were old enough to give away, my Dad advertised and people started coming by to get them. I was upset about the kittens being given away, but I remember the day a black man and his little girl came to get one of the kittens. I hid in the woods because I worried that black people would not be able to take care of the kittens. I felt upset and ashamed that I thought such a thing, but I couldn’t stop thinking it.
In spite of very liberal parents who exposed me to what diversity they could in NC in the 70s, by age seven I had still absorbed a particular set of beliefs and attitudes about black people.
I think we need MORE discussion about it, not less. It certainly isn’t time to sweep it under the rug. I think we are just now to a point where we can have honest, meaningful discussions about race/skin color/class.
So powerful. So thoughtful. So important.
Thank you for keeping the conversation going.
Hi Pagan! Thank you for sharing your story, I think it is something most of us can relate to. How many of us have felt complete embarassment and hopelessness when one of our small children says “I don’t like brown people”? Or remembered a gaffe from years ago and felt our cheeks redden with shame?
I think if we can take away the taboo and start talking about it, the shame will fall away and we will be able to start moving on.
Hi Lesley! Thanks for commenting and helping me keep the conversation going.
I’m sure racism is still prevalent even if people will never admit to being racist. I live in the San Francisco area which is extremely diverse and tolerant, but I know my experience does not necessarily reflects what happens throughout the United States. I do think that having a black president is a hugely important step in the direction of more acceptance.
Xenophobia has been written into our genes for millions of years and humans will always use physical characteristics to figure out whether someone is an “us” or a “them”. We’ll never overcome those wretched tendencies if we keep them under wraps. Racism has to be acknowledged if it is to be overcome.
Criminy. Not sure I can live up to the apparently new long comment requirement, but I’ll try.
Deep breath.
OK, here goes.
Just yesterday the (black) Attorney General for the US called us a “nation of cowards”. Unbelievable. He says it’s because we are afraid to tackle any race issues head on. Yeah? Well no friggin’ wonder. Over the last twenty years countless celebs, sportscasters and others have been nailed to a cross for comments they made that the press labeled “racist”. The damned media can tear apart anyone they want.
No wonder people are afraid. You can’t utter a word without the entire phrase being checked for racism, or racial insensitivity.
Example: Just yesterday I had to teach a high school language arts class. The subject: Negro Spiritual songs. My arm about went into seizure writing “Negro” on the board. I had to seriously ask myself if the teacher really wanted me to use that phraseology.
Is it any wonder that folks are freaked out? Who made us a nation of cowards? All this damned political correctness, that’s who.
I believe that people are people and within all races there are idiots, jerks and morons, and kind, caring and giving folks. You can’t label an entire group based on the actions of few.
Geez, don’t even get me started.
Signed,
Thoroughly Disgusted.
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Interesting. I wouldn’t think to blame political correctness for the unwillingness to address issues of race and racism. Mainly because it’s a false premise.
I’ll elaborate later, when I have more than a minute to compose a detailed reply.
What. Political correctness a false premise? Please tell me you mean something different.
George
Tumblemoose´s last blog post..Harriet Tubman keeps my writing going
No, the idea that political correctness is somehow a justifiable scapegoat for an unwillingness to engage in meaningful discourse and dialogue about race issues. There is fear, certainly, but it’s not the desire to keep on the right side of the media that is holding people back. Political correctness and the media have not created a nation of cowards.
Well-said Tracy.
Shereen, I loved this
“There is no blame, even if there is anger. You are not to blame. I am not to blame. But in order to change it, we have to acknowledge it, and work actively to dismantle it.”
I’m sick of being told my views are ‘political correctness run rampant’ (or that I’m a Debbie Downer) each time I say “I don’t think that’s funny because…” It has happened when I’ve tackled sexist remarks, racist remarks, and homophobic remarks. I can’t tackle every thing I see, hear or read. But I try to do so as often as I can without becoming a complete pariah
Sweep enough stuff under the carpet and you soon have a pile so big you trip over it anyway. It doesn’t disappear just because we don’t talk about it.
Hi Vered. I’ve often wondered how/if it would change my point of view if I lived someplace like San Francisco. I think having a black president is a huge step forward, but I do worry that people will take it to mean that the struggles are all over. It’s so much more than a simple black/white issue.
Hi Happy2U, good point about the xenophobia being written in our genes. I think it’s important to acknowledge that there are very natural tendencies at play here. I don’t think it diminishes that it is wrong, but I think it frames the question to be “How can we fix or overcome these tendencies that are no longer working for us in these times?” rather than “Some people are asswads”.
That said, some people are asswads.
Hi Tumblemoose, thanks for commenting and putting yourself out there. I can understand your anger and frustration, I know there have been times when I’ve felt I can do or say nothing right and it gets my hackles up.
I do think it will take a lot of courage to tackle these issues head on. I know that many people are afraid to talk about it for fear of saying the wrong thing and being branded racist. Many people are afraid to share their experiences for fear of being dismissed, to be told to lighten up or let it go.
My opinion is that we need to create an environment where people feel that they can share their thoughts and have them heard. Everyone. It was difficult for me to post this but something about that act of making myself vulnerable also made me more open to listening. There is just this incredible feeling of peace that yes, I have been heard and now I want to hear what you have to say, too.
Hi Full Cream! Wasn’t what Shereen said just brilliant? Anger without blame, that’s exactly what I feel. I’m tired of people saying I must not have a sense of humor. Um, hello?
Very good. Interesting, and thought provoking.
I honestly believe racism will never end, not because people won’t continue battling or because people will give up the battle but because racism goes much deeper than that, it goes beyond one race thinking or believing it’s superior than another.
With in the Hispanic community racism is amongst each other. I have heard Black people have arguments over light skins and dark skins. With in the same components that makes one connected to a race, people belittle each other, think they are better than others.
Some Hispanic cultures will flat out refuse to even speak or acknowledge another Hispanic if not from the same country and even then if you are from one part of the country and they are from another they still have racist remarks.
The racist battle doesn’t only affect the Black community, yet when it comes to having issues with racism that is the first thing that comes to mind and we forget that in the US our diversity has grown immensely.
I have heard Italian people argue and physically fight because one says “you ain’t true Italian, your Sicilian” and I mean come on!
People have gotten insulted when you confuse a race, “hi are you Dominican?’ :insert angry face and a look of how dare you!: “NO! I am Puerto Rican!” what is so damn bad about the confusion? is this not a form of racism?
I may not be speaking clearly but I wish racism would not exist but it does and I don’t think in my life time it will ever end.
Well, I live in Philly the “city of brotherly love” and racism is still very prevalent and noticeable. And while the most obvious is black vs. white, I witness many many other forms of racism. Personally, I am not afraid to discuss the issue and am always looking to discuss the issue with others – I find the race dynamic particularly intriguing on public transportation.
A couple of people have mentioned prejudice but that is not the same thing as racism. Well, one of it’s meanings is prejudging an individual, group or race but it also means a preconceived opinion. We all have those – if we didn’t, our minds would be completely open and it would be almost impossible to take in all of the information being presented to our senses. We need to form opinions based on our knowledge and experiences in order to filter the incoming information. After filtering, we can determine if our opinion is correct or if it needs to be adapted. Unfortunately, some people have formed ignorant, mean or uninformed opinions and refuse to ever change their perspective.
I am sorry that you have to question how your son’s experiences may differ.
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The conversation about race didn’t end when Barack Obama was elected president. If anything else, the occasion should allow us to explore the topic further. And yet, there is hesitancy. There is fear. No one wants to have the finger pointed at them, accusing them of racism when they seek clarification or say something without thinking. Yes, it’s complex. Yes, it’s a minefield. Yes, there is fear. But that fear does not come from political correctness. It does not come from anti-racist zealots (like me). It doesn’t come from Rev. Al Sharpton and his ilk. It comes from that little voice inside us that reminds us that, in our hearts, we know we’ve had thoughts, feelings, reactions that are questionable. There is guilt. So much guilt. And fear. Racism is a bogeyman.
My conversation with Shereen about racism goes back almost as far as the beginnings of our friendship, and obviously it continues today. What I know, I’ve learned from her. She is as eloquent and gracious a speaker and writer on the subject as any others far more famous that I’ve seen. I’m grateful she chose to join the conversation, and I respect her decision to step back from it as well. However, our discussion continued, and she gave me her permission to share that conversation. This is how it went:
SHEREEN: I’m glad (Tracy) liked my comments. It does take guts to put a post like that out there, because it’s not a popular topic. Thanks for pointing me there; I’m happy to ride shotgun and provide backup on any sort of discussion like that. Especially since it basically invites the haters in. Hard hard hard.
MADFAB: Yes, she was questioning who would show up when they google “hate” and “nigger”.
She was also talking about how, when people talk about racism, they automatically to cross burning and lynching. Not the soft racism. Or that when they think racism, they don’t think Asians, First Nations, etc. It’s all, literally and metaphorically, black and white.
SHEREEN: I remember having an acquaintance in highschool who told me she wasn’t racist, because ‘she didn’t have anything against black people. She hated Pakis, though.’
MADFAB: It’s been eye opening to me all the ways people block the conversation. No one wants to admit that racism exists or that it’s as bad as you, Tracy, me and the big bad media says.
SHEREEN: It’s true. The fear runs deep, and the guilt runs deep, and the first place people go is denial, with a side of defensiveness . . . (even when) on the blog of a woman of colour. Who has just said that racims exists, and that she experiences it and fears for her children’s experiences of it. But the denial and defensiveness kick in, and all they can find to say is ‘you must be wrong about this.’ What can she possibly have to say about racism that might be valid? Nothing that compares on any level with their desire to avoid discomfort.
MADFAB: (I have been) question for my stance on anti-racism and have been asked, in essence, who was I to be so militant? Why am I not letting those affected by racism fight their own battles? Why am I seeing racism everywhere?
Frustrating. Sad.
I think it’s my responsibility as a white woman to a) shut up and listen when people of colour are sharing their experiences and perspectives, and b) fight by their side as loudly as I can. I am just gobsmacked that white people feel it is their place, though, to discount or invalidate the experiences of those who, as both you and Tracy said, deal with racism every single day of your lives.
SHEREEN: Exactly right. One of the things I always say when I’m facilitating this work is how exhausting it is to always be the one person in the room whose ‘job’ it is to point the racism out, and then have to deal with people telling me I’m imagining it, or overreacting, or expecting special treatment, or not taking into account how hard they have things. That, on top of the burden of the original experience of racism (or perhaps better said, as a nuance of the racism experience), is exhausting and demoralizing. There are days I have the energy for it, and days I don’t. And I thank god every single time somebody speaks out who doesn’t have to. I usually ask people to think back to the schoolyard, and the time (everybody’s got one) when you were singled out, or humiliated in some way. And then think about how that feeling would have changed if one, just one person had stood up for you, just because they felt it was the right thing to do.
So that said, this is one of those occasions where I am not going to spend my energy continuing to have this discussion with strangers; all that’ll do is end up hurting my feelings. But you have my full permission to go over and post this discussion there as well. I couldn’t have put the role of a true ally any better than you did. Listen, honour the experience, and fight alongside to challenge and dismantle the oppression. But more than that as well; Nelson Mandela said something along the lines of ‘apartheid is a cage, and we are all trapped in it.’ The effects are different on different groups of us, and some of us suffer more immediately, but the paradigm of oppression is one that traps us all. If everybody fought against it with equal passion, everybody would end up free. Or, as the Negro Spiritual says, ‘None of us are free/if one of us is chained, none of us are free.’
So keep fighting, sister. Thanks for keeping on when my energy has run out (for the time being).
Tracy- wonderful post. I am a white male so I will not pretend to understand, but it does anger me just the same. I just recently moved down south and I am amazed at how many racial comments I still here. It is 2009 people, haven’t we all understood that we ARE in this together? It makes me sick to my stomach to hear such crap people say, and they tell me like I am going to jump right in, which makes me madder. I usually say something like “Grow a brain” or something more vulgar. Thanks for posting this- it is no baconaise, but it needed saying.
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Hey Tracy, I think you are right in that we need to deal with it head on and that having Obama in the White House is a step in the right direction. I do feel though that time is healing wounds and we are growing in the right direction as a country, though it won’t ever fully go away due to ignorance.
As a child I grew up believing (rightly) that everyone was equal. “We all bleed red,” my parents would say. Their parents however were extremely racist because of the era they grew up in. If I had children, I would raise them the way I was raised. I would encourage them to date outside their race, etc. When I married my husband (who is Irish) my grandparents questioned the fact that he is not Italian like we are. For me that doesn’t matter. I think each generation will be more tolerant and blend better. I also see so many interracial marriages that it will be hard to tell someones background in the future.
You and I grew up in an era where we did not see a black president until now. Our children (I don’t know how young your boys are) will grow up not knowing any different since Obama is in the White House. For them, a black president will be normal. For our parents, grandparents and great grandparents, this was not acceptable or normal, or conceivable
We are getting there!
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I agree with you, we shouldn’t stop identifying racism where we see it. I see it in myself and find it hard to fight. It’s an offshoot of self protection. If every time I see a dangerous person he or she has a particular subset of features, before long I’m afraid of people who share those features. Then I feel frustrated with myself for pre-judging people. Yet I have to, to protect myself, because I’m vulnerable. Worse yet, I’m targeted by the criminals because of MY race. I see them as criminals, they see me as rich and a valid target. Racism goes both ways. As long as poverty affects any one phenotype and privilege is drawn to any other phenotype, racism continues. It’s everywhere. Every race is affected somewhere in the world.
Then there’s the other side of the coin and the reason people are fed up with the issue. If a criminal is tagged, he will play the racism card so fast you know he had it up his sleeve. He’ll play it loose and hard and to the last shred. There’s a guy here in town who got kicked out of a restaurant. He was visiting his girlfriend, interfering with her job, and not spending a dime while using up space and free coffee. After some hours of this the owner had enough and kicked him out.
The bum sued the business owner on the basis that the owner made a reference to “you people” which was CLEARLY racist, since of course they were of completely different cultures (but the same colouring, ironically). The really stupid end to this story is that the bum blamed his last few years of criminal antisocial addict behaviour on the incident and the court found in his favour to the tune of $7k. I still don’t understand how that happened.
When you hear things like that it stirs desires to be racist as a backlash. It’s infuriating. It’s why people are sick of hearing about racism. The checks put in place to reduce it and protect against it are being flagrantly and successfully abused.
I grew up in (and still reside in) a fairly racially diverse place that is getting more diverse every year. My uncles and cousins are of Middle Eastern decent, most of my dad’s buddies from the garage were various shades of brown and black, and we spent summers hanging out at barbecues at my mom’s coworkers where every other guest was black or Hispanic. At seventeen, I considered myself open-minded, and yes- ‘colorblind’.
Then I got my license.
I was lost, driving though Camden one afternoon. I stopped at a light and two black men crossed the street in front of my beat up little hatchback. I reached across the car and locked the passenger side door. As soon as I did it I froze. I felt guilt wash over me. I was afraid of myself for a good minute. Yes, I was in a dangerous place and yes, the men were tall and broad and could have broken teenage me in half had they wanted to. But I instantly knew that white men would not have caused that reaction. It’s been eleven years and I still feel bad about, still think about it. I imagine that when I am 80 I will feel not better about that October afternoon.
I can’t put my finger on ‘why’ that happened and that’s what plagues me the most. What subtle things had I been exposed to in those 17 years would have caused that in someone who thought herself so enlightened. And most importantly, what steps can I take to give my sons the tools for change. Lest they be pondering these same things when THEY are 80.
Well said, Tracy!
Sereen, I think this is so true:
“We live in a systemically racist society. And the whole point, and weight, of systemic racism, is that it is racism built into the core of our society, so nobody ever really has to commit an overtly racist act for racism to exist, and to act perniciously on various groups of people. In other words, if at the core of our societal beliefs is some sort of ‘us at the centre, them on the periphery’, then the racism just naturally flows from that with very little effort. Ditto the sexism, homophobia, classism, etc.”
A very interesting discussion!
I have not experienced racism in anything other than an observational role because I’m white. I appreciate Tracy’s call to discuss racism openly, something I’ve done many times. I’ve made a few friends and lost a few in the process, and heartily pissed off my husband and he me when we’ve disagreed the most. The only frame of reference in which I feel I can empathize with what it might be like to be the subject of racism is sexism. I feel it every single day at work in a profession where women do not make up 50% of the workforce, but a mere 10%. There are days when it has felt suffocating, like it was sucking away my life by crushing my will to go on. Other days I have looked back over history and literally cried when I thought of what the women who came before me had to endure so that today I could stand proud where I am. It was on those days when I thanked my God for those women and hoped that I could be even 1/10th as strong so as to play some small role in furthering the continuing quest for equality of the sexes.
I wish I had the book with me now to give credit to the author, but something I read several years ago made quite an impression on me and I think of it regularly. A man attended a women’s studies conference and was engaged in conversation with two women there, one white and one black. The white woman said that when she woke in the morning and looked at herself in the mirror, she saw a woman. That was her primary definition of herself. The black woman stated that she did not see just a woman, but a black woman. The man admitted his confusion and said that he saw only a person and did not label himself by sex or color. One of the women said that he doesn’t see male and white in the mirror in the morning because those are the ways in which he is privileged in this country (U.S.). They are transparent to him, whereas the women saw those things which put them at a disadvantage and with which they had to deal daily. I thought that was the perfect way to describe it and often wonder how some people see themselves in the morning since it isn’t always so simple as this anecdote.
So, while I believe that racism exists and should be discussed and confronted, I am not sure I see it as often as others. I will freely admit that my perspective may be responsible for some of that, but at least as often I believe there are words, situations, and interactions wrongfully attributed to racism. For example, the phrase to call a spade a spade is often avoided in popular media and even casual conversation lest someone think there were racist overtones. Conversely, I don’t believe that consistently avoiding simple phrases or the like that have ever been twisted or incorrectly pulled out of context and turned into racial epithets is doing us any favors. In fact, I think allowing such things to shape our behavior gives them more power than they deserve and perpetuates negativity.
Shereen made a point about the images with which her daughter is overwhelmed and which are shaping her daughters self-image. I find that to be a much more insidious form of racism on the whole than the KKK. I find it more insidious than inappropriate racist jokes told among “friends” at work or other venues. Do I voice my offense at such racist jokes? Absolutely I do, though I wasn’t always confident enough to do so. But the discussion must continue to approach those overwhelming forces over which we sometimes feel we have no power.
I try not to dismiss the feelings of others when they find something offensive, whether it be from a racial standpoint or some other, when I disagree with them. Sometimes I am successful, and sometimes not. Often I find it difficult to articulate the ways in which I think offense can feed into the racism, the sexism, the homophobism, and so on that we are hoping to eliminate. I believe that looking for it, plucking things out of the small corners and shining a bright light on them, forcing them to come to terms with their potential racist connotations gives big power to little things and perpetuates not discussion, but negativity. I will defer to William Raspberry who so often seems to speak for me on the topic.
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The columnist maintained in Imprimus, “While our myth is that racism accounts for our shortcomings, {Asian Americans’} belief is that their own efforts can make the difference, no matter what white people think. They have looked at America like children with their noses pressed to the candy-store window: if only I could get in there, boy, could I have a good time. And when they get in, they work and study and save and create businesses and jobs for their people. But we, born inside the candy store, focus only on the maldistribution of the candy. Our myth leads us to become consumers when victories accrue to the producers.”
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Certainly, there are those who will disagree with me, and with William, and as always I welcome that and a chance for discourse on the subject. I have been amazed to find in the last few years that old dogs can learn new tricks and thus I am always awaiting the opportunity to learn a new trick. Except that I’m not old. Nope.
A follow-up thought, as though my first post wasn’t long enough.
Referring again to Shereen’s statement, “How is she most likely to see women of her skin colour in the media? Half dressed, and grinding around some blinged-out guy’s crotch.” I said above that I find this sort of thing more insidious than the KKK. I mean to say the KKK and other hate groups, perhaps even more than some of the larger-scale racism that used to exist everywhere and now exists less frequently and behind closed doors such as that boss who never hires minorities. I find the every day culture is indeed overwhelmed with negative images of minorities. Sometimes they originate from the majority, but not always.
I wonder about the men and women who make the types of music videos to which Shereen referred, if they think about the stereotypes they are perpetuating. That affects not only the mindset of the majority, but the minority as well. While not a cause of the core issue of racism, such things certainly play a role by defining the limits of what is acceptable and expected behavior, both from and towards minorities.
I hope we are able to address and squash those things. However, there are those other issues that I believe Mr. Raspberry addresses, those situations for which there are two equally viable interpretations. In the absence of previous experience to guide me or evidence to the contrary, I choose to believe the interpretation that does not include racism. Some may say I am simply burying my head in the sand or that I have that luxury because I am not affected. Perhaps, but I would argue that the side of me who looks at two equally viable interpretations and consistently chooses the negative one is the same one that will ingest some of that negativity and carry it with me. Not to be too cheesy, but a song lyric I like is similar to something my grandmother used to tell me. “Hate in your heart will consume you too.”
W O W, a fabulous discussion going on here.
I find this a real issue with my 6-year-old so who is totally accepting of everyone and everything. He loves to hear about different races and different cultures and thinks it’s a marvellous wonderous thing that there are so many different and interesting people in the world.
So do I tell him about racism so he is prepared if and when he does brush shoulders with it or do I let him live in his perfect world where everyone is different but the same?
Tara´s last blog post..10 things I say ALL THE TIME
I admit, I get sick of hearing about it…anyone propose any solutions? Please don’t say we need more dialogue – that’s all there is.
Rush Limbaugh’s statement for consideration and discussion:
“Black college students do not have the “where-with-all” to score an average or higher-than- average test score!
By “where-with-all” I mean GENETIC HERETARY BACKROUND .
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