By Madame Fabulous
Photo credit ©iStockphoto.com/Andrea Skjold
A friend of mine once described a pivotal moment in a relationship as a “Cherry Blossom Moment”. The story behind the coining of this phrase involved a boyfriend who was sent on the errand of bringing her back chocolate. Chocolate, as we all well know, is the most important staple in the diet of most women. The poor, hapless man returned with a Cherry Blossom. For those lucky enough never to have encountered this abomination, Cherry Blossoms are low quality chocolate containing red syrup surrounding a well preserved maraschino cherry. They are unspeakably awful and an affront to chocoholics everywhere.
As he placed the small box of putrescence in her hand, she suddenly realized that this relationship had no future, for how could she love a man who would think this an acceptable treat?
Thus, the Cherry Blossom Moment was born.
Of course, not every relationship has that critical crux, that instant within which the end of the love affair unmistakably foretold. There are countless marriages, partnerships, and associations that continue without that fatal point of no return that defines the Cherry Blossom Moment.
We shall not speak of those here.
The Cherry Blossom Moment is not limited to the affairs of the heart. I’ve had them with almost every friendship, fellowship or community I’ve known. Sometimes, it’s been at the hands of an employer (once quite literally) where I suddenly realized that he or she isn’t the congenial friend who signs my paycheques, but is instead Beelzeboss, prone to psychopathic outbursts and prolonged reigns of terror. Others, it’s happened in the middle of a group function organized around a terribly important cause, in which I have looked around the room and knew to the very depths of my soul that I had nothing at all in common with these people and that I had, within seconds, grown to hate them all with a hatred pure and beautiful. It happened once when I found a roommate digging through my underwear drawer because she hadn’t washed hers. And I will admit that, as a new mother, I once looked around my home to see the piles of laundry that were threatening to unionize. I noticed the unwashed dishes and the rancid odour of an overflowing diaper pail. I caught my reflection in the mirror and took in my filthy bathrobe and ratted hair. Then I gazed upon a squalling infant who could not be placated by nursing, diaper changing, dancing the highland fling, nor my own pathetic cries, and I had a Cherry Blossom Moment. I suddenly realized that all the books romanticizing motherhood had lied, and that it was simply a lot of hard work and oh my lord I was committed to this demanding wee beastie for the next twenty years.
The motherhood Cherry Blossom Moment was a life defining one for me. It was then, you see, that I understood that a moment of complete dissatisfaction didn’t have to signal the end of a relationship. Because the fact is, most affiliations have their flaws. I have fought with my dearest friends, only to have that clearing of the air bring us closer. I have silently fumed over co-workers, only to find that they were my greatest advocates and allies when required. And the children: though they can surely blamed for each grey hair, they are also responsible for the laugh lines. Those I don’t mind. Much.
Cherry Blossom Moments may be of significant consequence within a relationship, but they need not be relationship ending.
Unless an actual Cherry Blossom is involved. In which case, the union is doomed.
Madame Fabulous–otherwise known as MadFab (more fab than mad)–has been a professional writer, actor, director, producer, occasional photographer and painter for most of her adult life. Her mother would argue that she’s been a drama queen from the get-go, however. She is a mother to three: Alexa, Theo and Ethan who she blames for the eternal house messiness, the ongoing pantry emptiness, the perpetual head-shaking oddness and the lifelong happiness. She was very recently married to the man who, for the record, she totally pegged as “That Guy” from the start.
Click here to read her thoughts on gardening.
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You know, I can really relate to the pure hatred bit. In my case, it led to a website!
I’m very glad I can’t relate to the underwear borrowing roommate!
I had a cherry blossom moment once with a new friend who took her son’s empty juice container and calmly threw it into the grass next to the path we were walking on. We were in a park with trash cans spaced roughly every 100 yards so why the heck did she have to do that?
Our friendship dwindled after that, not so much because of the trash incident but because I think we both realised we had very little in common other than kids of roughly the same age. But the defining moment was right there and then.
Very recently I had a guy end things with me and I was crushed, beyond crushed….I was devastated. I loved him. I continued to hang on and male that he is, he continued to string me along until I had my cherry blossum moment.
A mutual friend said ‘you know he does x, y and z to piss you off. He knows it bothers you and thats why he does it. Futhermore, this is also what he said about a, b and c’ When i heard that, I realized, we’re on two different levels. I’m better than than and I deserve better. I deleted him off my phone, I blocked him online and while I still think of him, I’m at peace knowing that the problem wasn’t me, but him.
Oh yes , I know those moments.The absolute clarity that they provide is to be treasured. I’ve had far too many to recount but i will share a recent double-whammy cherry blossom moment.
I was a week into a new job and the boss arrived in one morning holding a manual.
“Hey , Deagh Dia” he says conversationally “I found this yesterday when I was going through your trash can , do you not need it ? ”
I was decidedly unprepared for a statement like that. I stared in stunned silence awhile before mumbling something along the lines of “no, no, you can have it if you want”
All of which should have been a warning of where this employee/boss relationship was going. Figuring that the signs were not clear enough however, providence hammered the point home soon afterward when we were on stage giving a tandem presentation to the company.
As I was wrapping up my comments I looked at him to cue him up and caught him making last minute adjustments to his appearance, which involved, quite literally, licking his thumb and forefinger and then twirling the ends of his mustache a la Dick Dastardly.
I have had more of these moments when it comes to men than I have time to write about here. I just need to say that I am glad there are others out there who are horrified at the thought of a wax coated cherry spoiling some innocent, once delicious, chocolate.
Hey, those things can actuall fix a true chocolate craving if you crack them open carefully, rinse them out, and shake out the water droplets.
Not that I have ever done that.
In college, I had recently started seeing some guy, when Mother’s Weekend arrived on campus. I was walking in town that Saturday, and down the sidewalk I could see him and his mother walking toward me. When he saw me, he crossed the street. That was pretty much it. Crossed the damn street to avoid introducing me to his mother. Jerkwad.
I’m just glad to know someone else hates those damned cherry abominations.
When I reflect, I realize my life has been full of Cherry Blossom moments. I remember working on a prawn trawler in Australia (I was 19—forgive me my crimes against sealife) and worked alone with the skipper. Don, was his name. Crusty, cantankerous and Camel-cigarette fueled Don. He smelled vaguely of salt and herring. And while I was enjoying, for the most part, my time in the crystal blue waters off the far northeast coast of Queensland, watching dolphins, reef sharks, rays and sea turtles, Crusty Don sidled up to me and said, “You know, I find that if I sleep with the crew, it just makes it much easier to get along. There’s a sense of camaraderie.”
Cherry Blossom Moment.
I can’t remember exactly what I said, but in my mind it was very close to, “Well, Don, you best learn how to make friends with acrimony.”
Deagh Dia, I loved your stories.
I actually like those things for some reason. I know they aren’t good. The chocolate on them is horrible. But I think I like them for the same reason that I adore Cadbury cream eggs – the mushy innards that squish out.
I recently had a Cherry Blossom moment in coursework that makes me unhappy. I’ve been taking classes and recent events in my life led to me not having all the time I’d like to complete my work. So I did a half arsed job in an assignment hoping to at least not do so horribly I couldn’t recover. I did better on that assignment grading wise than I did on my other homework. I’m beginning to realize that half-arsed is better for this professor and it bothers me to my soul.
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