Heinz Spotted Dick (In a Can)

Heinz Spotted Dick

Heinz Spotted Dick

I got this can of Heinz Spotted Dick for my birthday. My husband really loves me a lot, probably much more than yours does. What did you get? Clothes? A massage? Mixer? I got the gift of pure comedy gold and that’s worth only slightly less than real gold and doesn’t involve environmentally damaging mining.

This end up

You are supposed to open this end first. There is also a handy warning about removing contents of the can before placing in microwave.

Here are the ingredients. I misread at first and took the allergy warnings for the ingredient list and was wondering what the hell kind of pudding has gluten as it’s first ingredient. That sounds mighty glum, doesn’t it?

spotted dick in pot

The instructions gave two options, quick microwave or boil for 35 minutes on the “hob”. Heh, hob. After consultation with people with spotted dick experience, I decided to go for the full boiled pudding effect even though it takes forever.

spotted dick instructions

After it was done boiling, I noticed at the top it said “cover with cloth to open”. I was not sure what was meant by that, so like a fool, I covered the can with a cloth and nothing happened. Then I tried to pull the top off and that didn’t work. So I fished the label out of the pot and read that I was to cover the can and a can opener with a cloth before opening, to avoid spurting. SPURTING! Snort. I really love the dry British sense of humor.

So that is what I did. No spurting, just a little hissing and a whiff of raisins.

So far, not too bad looking.

Flipped it onto a plate, opened the other end and viola, spotted dick!

It looked and tasted okay, sort of like raisin bread that was made into a cake, but it was a little dry so I pulled out my new best friend, Lyle’s Golden Syrup. It’s sugar juice! You must get some, now!

Yes, one day I will remember to tidy clutter first, then take pictures. Hopefully by the time I go to sell this house so I don’t wind up on It’s Lovely, I’ll Take It!

Ah, that’s better! I thought about inserting a dirty sort of jokey statement here, but I am no good at the sexual innuendo. I only make people sad when I try. In any case, it upped the delicious factor by 5, maybe even 10.

But you know, I’m all about the fusion cuisine, so I thought, hey, what about my other friend La Lechera which is sweetened condensed milk in a handy squeeze bottle. You need some of this, too. It might or might not be good spread liberally on Walker’s shortbread. And people said Latin American and English cuisine would never mix!

And indeed they do mix well! It was just as delicious as the golden syrup in a creamier, more lecherific sort of way.

And again, there is probably an off color joke here, but I’m not the woman to provide it.

Coming soon: Haggis (in a can)

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