©iStockphoto.com/Lise Gagne
Preparation for this excursion takes days. I begin by placing a notepad in the kitchen during the week and noting the items I simply must have, items that only Super Target can provide, or at least can provide pretty cheaply. What is on my list? We’ll get to that. When you depart on your quest, do not forget the list. Mucho importante, le list. (Note to self, Coffee Häagen-Dazs ice cream, at 18 grams of fat per serving and 4, ahem, servings per pint, is not on the list.)
I hum little happy Target Tunes as I drive to the store. It sounds like the Monkees’ I’m A Believer: It’s a parking space Oh I’m a believer. A really nearby space. I’m out of my mind Oh I’m in love, ooooohh, I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave Target if I tried.
Why, oh why, does shopping at Super Target make me so happy? Why does it seem as if All is Right with the World when I’m there? Is it the vast array of products? Is if the huge and still-growing selection of organics they stock? Is it the fact that I can buy a Mexican house dress and broccoli at the same store? Is it that Target donates 5% of its profits each week from each store to the community in which it’s located? Is it that it’s not Wal-Mart? I don’t know. I just know I love that place.
So when you arrive at The Promised Land (erm, I mean Target), what do you do? You need to procure a beverage to increase the sensory enjoyment of the Shopping Experience. And since you can’t take a glass of wine around the store with you, you’ll have to procure something else.
Right after choosing your carriage, Stop
Do not pass the Starbucks by the front entry.
Do not collect $200.
Order your drug of choice. Mine is a Decaf Iced Latte. Do not mock my decafness. I haven’t done caffeine since trying to conceive my son 9 years ago. Besides, can you imagine me on caffeine? People accuse me all the time of being on the stuff as it is. You have a LOT of energy, I bet you drink a lot of coffee. Well, actually no, I don’t. No namby-pamby flavorings for me, either, and no skim milk, bleh. For some reason, the baristas at Sbucks think if I want decaf, I also want skim milk. Bleh. Eeew. If I didn’t have at least 2% milk in there, I would be drinking Nothing. No caffeine is bad enough; must those baristas foist fatlessness on me as well?
Now, how will you simultaneously hold your beverage; control your children and shop? Of course I have an answer for you: get a handy red plastic latte-holder. Get it now. Attach it jauntily to the side of your cart….now you have your latte and your list. L & L. What else do you need? Oh, get some chocolate covered Graham crackers, too, because it’s SUPER Target, and you might be there through a few meal times. (Oh come on, you know you’ll be there for at least 2 hours, who are you kidding?)
So let us begin in the produce aisle. (Get it? Lettuce begin in the produce aisle? Heh.) The best thing about the produce at Super Target is the flowers. Great bargains on lovely, lifestyle enhancing blossoms ,sure to lift your mothering spirits every time you see them. So go ahead, invest in your mental health. Better living through horticulture Vive les fleurs! (Tip: The chrysanthemums last about a month, no lie. And they’re only $4.99. They aren’t my favorite bloom, but what a bargain)
Onward . . . so after flowers, where to? Ah ha, yes, the chocolate aisle Chocolate is, of course, one of the 67 food groups, so it’s healthy. No, it really is healthy. I’m sure you’ve read all that stuff about antioxidants. A trip to Super Target without a trip down the chocolate aisle is like a day without, um, Häagen-Dazs. But HD is not on the list, yeahokright.
Here is a quick list to assist you in your chocolate choices. If you insist in being UNhealthy and consuming Milk Chocolate, I can’t help you much, but in the spirit of Buddhist Goodness, I shall try. The best chocolate at Super Target, and the best for you, is as follows:
1. Green & Blacks Organic Dark (any percent)
2. Chocolove Dark (organic, but they have non-organic too)
Both brands also make milk chocolate, if you are so inclined.
Alrighty. You have your flowers and your chocolate. But what is the family going to eat?
Skip over to the frozen foods wing of the Palace of Procurement. Super Target knows its customers . . . mostly frazzled, confused mothers. They have a kids’ meals frozen section. It’s AWE-SOME. My son’s favorite of late is Ian’s Chicken Nuggets. Listen, before you start getting all Holy and Organic on me, Ian’s IS organic and further, I have read the label for you. It’s lowish in fat, and has no unpronounceables. It’s easy to make, take a minute or two in the microwave (or you can use the oven, um right) and if it stops you from a McDonald’s run even once, my work is done here.
For your toddlers, I recommend any of the Give Peas a Chance products. I bought the Brown Rice and Carrot Puffs for my 8 year old, and yes I know he isn’t a toddler but I thought he might like them. He didn’t, but I did. So I’ll be buying them again as a quick lunch or even breakfast for me. Yum. Oh just try them. Besides, how can you not like a company that has adorable illustrations on its packaging and is called Give Peas a Chance?
So you see where we are now, don’t you? Hmmm. So close to the Häagen-Dazs. It’s just one aisle away. Oh, I’ll just see if they have Coffee in the Light Rich variety. Or better, did you know HD makes a Coffee Frozen Yogurt now? Only 2.5 grams of fat per serving as opposed to 18 for the full-fat and far fewer calories. Like half. But so far Super Target doesn’t carry that, which, thank God they don’t because then they’d be Perfect and then they would go out of business because haven’t you ever heard about the Navajos or some Native Americans who purposefully weave imperfections into their blankets so they won’t die? Because if you’re perfect, you die. Oh there’s ice cream, in my CART! How in the hell did that get in there? Well, it’s in there now; I can’t very well take it out.
Well, I’d love to shop more but I have to get home before my ice cream and chocolate melt like Kerry’s Herbal Salve in the trunk of a car parked in Georgia in August, and my flowers wilt. I’ll have to come back tomorrow for the rest of the groceries, I suppose. You wanna come with me? It’ll be so fun!
Kimberly, otherwise known as Kimberly, is the mother of one beautiful Little Prince, Maxwell. She is a family law mediator and attorney, so yep, she sits in the middle and brings peace to the room, helping people divorce in the most positive ways possible for their children and themselves. She’s founding partner of Iowa Law Collaborative, a law firm focusing on neutral legal work. Born and raised in Southern California, she traveled the world as an international flight attendant for 13 years, and has lived in Sweden, Iowa, and the coastal town of Newburyport, Massachusetts, where she’s currently helping to manifest an Ecovillage. (www.OdonataVillage.org). She’s been a life-long poet and songwriter, and some of her work can be found at http://tantricmermaid.blogspot.com/
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Will you marry me?
I like Target’s Archer Farms stuff. I have a party mix jug just keeping me company here in the office. And I can satisfy the swwetling’s newfound love of frosted mini-wheats much cheaper with the Target store brand!
1. Bwise: I think I can marry you, but I better check with my Canadian boyfriend first to make sure it’s ok. The Russian boyfriend already gave the go-ahead.
2. MajorlyOverwhelmed: I love the Archer Farms and also the Market Pantry store brands, too. I’m a food snob when it comes to quality and I find those brands to be as good, and often better, than the well-known national brands. Dang, I love that store!
Uh, excuse me-we are already bethrothed. We complete each other. We even share the same hyperness save the caffeine. Together-we would be UN-STOP-ABLE!
Welcome to the Front Page, Kimberly. Did DLD tell you that the newest featured writer always brings donuts to the editorial meeting? If you don’t have a good source, Haagen Dazs will do.