WIHMMB – Reason #6 Content Free Posting

©iStockphoto.com/Oktay Ortakcioglu

Hitting submit without adding much of substance (HSW/OAMoS) is a big problem on the internet. It’s a bit tricky to talk about, because there are some times when it’s perfectly okay to say the same thing everyone else did – like when somebody’s pet iguana dies, there’s really not much you can say except “I’m sorry”. Grief threads are not a good time to try and exercise your creativity, ask me how I know.

There are three categories of HSW/OAMoS, of course there is some overlap with “Message Board as Blog”, “Purposeful Attempted Derailment”, “It’s All About ME” and “Lazy People”. In fact, all the categories of Message Board Hate overlap to such a degree that you can’t even make a meaningful Venn Diagram out of it, as it would look something like this:

Answers That Don’t Really Answer The Question

 

For example when a thread is posted titled “Does Anyone Have A Wizzinator 5000?” asking if so, do you like it, where did you get it, and so on. And somebody comes along and posts “No, I don’t have one.” It’s baffling. It’s befuddling. I think the problem is, people like questions they can answer. It makes them feel smart. That’s why threads like “What kind of car do you have?” or “What color are your eyes?” get so many replies. It’s nice to know the answers. I can sort of see folks, looking at that thread title and thinking “Why no! No I do not have a Wizzinator 5000! I know this one!” and confidently hitting the submit button with the satisfaction of a job well done. There’s not much to be done about these people, because you’d kind of look like the kind of asshole who kicks puppies if you mentioned it. Better to stew in your own hate.

 

I Must Note My Agreement

 

Even if it involves quoting a huge string of embedded quotes just to say “ITA”. The real fun is when several people in a row do this and you find yourself having to scroll down about 24 inches to find something new to read in the thread. The problem is, on the internet, nobody can see you nod, so if you want to participate in the conversation without saying anything, this is the way to do it. And again, there really is no good way to tell people not to do it without looking like the kind of jerk that feeds kittens Ex-Lax. Freedom of repeating other people’s speech, dammit!

 

I Must Note My Tangential Experience, No Matter How Inconsequential

 

Say there’s a thread, maybe about The Bahamas. Maybe somebody is going there on vacation and people are discussing what to do and see there, what to pack, the fact that you can’t drive there, the obligatory “I’m jealous! Pack me in your suitcase”, that sort of stuff. Then out of the blue somebody pops in with “My sister’s neighbor is from The Bahamas”. And nothing else. Again, baffling. Again, bemusing. Again, you can’t really say anything without looking like the kind of shit that rubs mascara in the eyes of bunnies just to make sure the cruelty free safety testing really works.

As you can see, content free posting is a problem without a solution. Some would probably say it’s not really a problem. Or rather, they’d wait for somebody else to say it so they could quote it and say ITA.