I am a subscriber to the Kraft Food and Family Newsletter. I am a busy mom, crazy busy like in the commercials, I can use a little help. Like this:
Heh, weiners and Jell-o, the jokes just write themselves. The apple and milk remind me of those pictures you see on the cereal boxes of a bowl of cereal with milk and fresh strawberry slices, buttered toast, orange juice and half a grapefruit with the caption “Oatie Bites are a delicious part of a complete breakfast”. Who eats cereal that way? I want to meet the person who goes through all that trouble just to eat a bowl of cold freakin cereal. If I were going to do that much work, I’d have pancakes, thank you very much.
Which brings me to one of the recipes in the newsletter Island Jerk Chicken. My first question is which island? Long Island? Rhode Island? Gilligan’s Island? For surely they do not make the jerk chicken with Peppercorn Ranch Dressing in Jamaica, mon. It’s about as authentic as me saying mon up there is. It does contain a scant amount of allspice, cloves and cayenne pepper – to give it zing! – but I do not think all the cloves in Jamaica could redeem this recipe.
I wonder how what the job interview is like for the position of recipe developer at Kraft. Do they take you out to lunch and if you order a burger and fries with a bowl of ranch dressing on the side, you’re in? Can you imagine the rejection letter? “We’re sorry, your references were excellent and you have loads of relevant experience, but we’re looking for somebody with an inexplicable fondness for white creamy substances.”
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I hope you have the chance to review the reviews at some point – the ones for this recipe are classic. There are the 4- and 5-star reviews by people who have not yet prepared the recipe, another 5 stars from someone who made about five changes to the recipe, and a 2-star review from someone planning to leave out the allspice next time. The allspice. From jerk.
The Kraft recipe website is forehead-smacking good.
“I am a busy mom, crazy busy like in the commercials,”
Gems like these are why I love you.
Excellent post. I can’t help but think that recipes that contain the words “now open up a can of Cream of Mushroom soup, pour it all over everything, and pop it in the oven” isn’t really a recipe. It’s reheating. When my wife gets a hankering to enter the kitchen, she always has me look at the recipes first. She’s quickly learned that anything out of a can other than stock (broth) or tomatoes is an instant disqualification. If we wanted to eat substandard food with preservatives and excessive salt we could have ordered out.
This whole entry is too true. But I must say that I made the jerk chicken and substituted orange Jell-o and cream cheese for the chicken and it was FABULOUS!!!!