Tracy Recaps America’s Next Top Model

This cycle opens with the girls headed towards Los Angeles on a bus. A happy dancing bus with one Asian girl on it. Boy, do I know that feeling. I’ve decided that she’s going to be my favorite even if it turns out she’s the worst kind of incompetent bitch and I have to use every justification technique in my little Toolbox of Rightfullness Skills to defend her. It’s as good a method as any to pick a favorite, I think and much better than my usual method of striking out every contestant who just looks, you know, like I don’t like her and backing the one that is left.

J. Alexander and Jay Manuel pop up in front of the Top Secret Training facility dressed in what can only be described as Astronaut Chic as interpreted by International Male. “Welcome to the Top Model Institute of Technology where we build! better! models!” says J. Alexander and Jay Manuel says blah blah blah out of thousands blah blah blah and J. Alexander says “This is a highly classified operation. So are you ready?” Jay Manuel puts his hand on some sort of hand reader that would do any high school drama club production of “2010: The Musical” proud and the girls rush in to a facility full of…shoes.
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